New Caregiver for a family member with Dementia

bethanybeann

Hello, I am new to this discussion board and have been encouraged to seek support for people who are caring for a loved one with Dementia. I recently moved to CA to care for my grandma who has been officially diagnosed with mild to moderate Dementia. Some days are better than others. She was doing good for a while but the other day she repeated herself so many times, set things down and then seconds later couldn't remember where she put them, couldn't remember my mother's name (her daughter), and my mother shared with me today she couldn't remember my name on the phone yesterday while they were speaking. I knew this was going to be hard and I am grateful I am here to care for her but I am also coming to terms with the fact that I am going to have to watch her lose herself. I knew her when she was her and that time is unfortunately limited now. I sit in my room a lot and sometimes cry because I'm grieving someone who is still alive. I get scared that I will go downstairs one day and find her dead. It makes me feel selfish to be so focused on my own experience since I am not the one with the disease but I also know it's realistic to grieve it and it's reasonable to give myself time to just cry about it.