My mother forgets that that a kettle is on the stove, or that a pot is left on. I got her a simple electric kettle that turns off by itself, but she doesn't want to use it and prefers to use a kettle on the gas stove.
Do people have experience with devices like this "intelligent stove shutoff" that notices that a person forgets that the stove is on or has gotten distracted. An Alzheimer's Association helpline agent mentioned it.
I am afraid that anything new or unfamiliar that will shut the stove off unknowingly or needs to be fiddled with will upset her, so it really needs to work seamlessly until there is danger.
For just getting hot water, perhaps something like a water boiler & warmer can be more acceptable, if it's convenient to use and always has hot water in it, so she does not even need to boil using an electric kettle, or to put a kettle on the stove. Just press on the button and you get some hot water, so maybe that will entice her to use it.
I think she does not hear the kettle boiling, as she is starting to be hard of hearing or forgets she put it on the stove. A popular water boiler and warmer is
As for burning food in a pot, I think it's more difficult. Maybe I can get cookware with a glass lid, so she can at least notice it, if she is in the kitchen. If leaves the kitchen and forgets about it, then I think the only thing, other than someone else being there, is to use a shutoff valve.
I thought about a hotplate or induction burner with auto shutoff, but that's yet another new thing to learn, and I am afraid she will not want it.
But if anyone has suggestions, please let me know.
This is a sign that she getting to be unsafe living alone. Actually, she should not be using the stove at all unsupervised. I have been where she is, I had to stop using the stove. My situation is somewhat different, because it was determined that I don't have Alzheimer's Disease. But I could not remember that the stove was on. I suggest you do a thorough safety survey of the home, including checking the refrigerator for expired food. I know about that, too. You don't have to tell your mom, just do it. Then come back for suggestions. Devices are good for normal people who might be a little forgetful. But PWDs have anosognosia and are unaware that they are forgetful, so devices have no meaning for them. I used to set an alarm, then wonder what the alarm was beeping for.
Iris
dancsfo - I agree with the others. It sounds like it is time for your mom to have more supervision than she currently is getting. It is tough I know, but the reality of dementia is a disaster could occur in a split second. Suggestions for keeping your LO safe include taking the knobs off the stove so she does not try to cook alone. The last article below suggests that when a PWD LO forgets procedures (like basic safety procedures for boiling water or cooking, that they may also not be able to remember the steps to get help in an emergency. When there is a potential for injuries (burning themselves, starting a fire, or leaving the gas on with no flame) it is time for them to not be alone. Not what you asked, exactly, I know. But we must prevent catastrophes instead of waiting for something tragic to happen. I well recall these challenges with my DH. I hope you can arrange for the supervision it sounds like she needs asap. We are with you.
Kitchen Safety for People with Dementia - AgingCare.com
Home Safety | Alzheimer's Association
Is It Safe To Leave Someone With Dementia Alone? (readementia.com)
There is no gizmo, thing-a-majig, or electronic device to replace human supervision. Full. Stop.
By the time you mom is unable to recognize the risk of what's she's doing and make the adaptation to an electric kettle, she's likely to be at risk in a myriad of other ways you aren't seeing-- giving personal information out to scam phone callers, scalding herself because she can't adjust temps in the shower, getting lost in her own neighborhood, eating spoiled food, etc.
Thank you all for your suggestions. These things happen slowly, and it's easy to be in denial or to hope that some gimmick can solve it.
The issue with safety for herself and others is very important, and I will try to figure out what type of supervision I can provide.
I had done things like look for expired food, and we had some arguments about me intruding into her life, but thankfully, she forgets about the argument so there are no hard feelings. A strange mixed blessing, but it should have been an warning for me of what was happening. It's extra difficult to see this in a parent since you always looked up to them and they supported you. A stranger or a third person probably would have a better assessment, perhaps due to the detachment.
Thanks to you all for making me realize all of this.
Hi, Dancsfo.
My mother had similar issues - I don't think they are uncommon. The temporary fixes we found:
We were getting ready to remove the knobs on the stove.
My mother lived with me and I essentially had to hang out near the kitchen so I could supervise whenever she started to do anything there. It was exhausting.
Placing her in respite care has been a godsend. I can actually think. We are moving her into assisted living directly from the respite care as it is not safe for her to be here. It would have helped if she would have gone to a day program but she absolutely refused.
@MP8 Thanks for the ideas for temporary fixes. I'll look at https://www.zojirushi.com/app/product/srag or something similiar.
Until I can find a way to help her on the longer term, these can help to provide both of us a bit of peace of mind. I am beginning to understand how this can be exhausting. It's not physical, but mental for me.
Since she enjoys cooking and being in the kitchen, she continues to do so, even when I offer to do things, she refuses. It seems to be better for her well being and a feeling of being useful to others, but like you said, I need to be near, just in case I smell burning, or does something that sounds difficult (like taking out heavy cookware), etc.
Can you hire someone in for a few hours some days?
dancsfo--It sounds like you are where many of us have been.
If your mother's forgetting conversations, and can't use a 'new' devices, like the electric kettle (I'm guessing she can't make sense of the steps, but is telling you she won't) then she'll need to see her healthcare provider for an assessment--first of all to rule out other causes like thyroid issues or a UTI.
If your mom has cognitive impairment or dementia she may also have anosognosia, which is a lack of awareness of the losses she's experiencing. That can lead to resistance to change or recognizing the need for support. If you do suspect that there are issues, do browse through the threads. Iris has a great book thread going here too:
https://alzconnected.org/discussion/65171/books-about-alzheimers-disease#latest
Any time is a good time for parents to plan for 'what ifs', so if there isn't some structure in place, now is a great time to make sure any financial planning, powers of attorney, and her healthcare wishes are clarified, along with making sure someone has back up financial & health care access to assist her. A visit to a certified elder care attorney might be in order if planning has not taken place yet.
This was so helpful to me:
Some videos:
Teepa-10 early: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqmqC-702Yg
Teepa-multiple videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2E2lPBsUeBjA1Utglo8q6yANAijEf8cX
Tam Cummings assessment tools/AD checklist https://www.tamcummings.com/tools
5 losses: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awBm4S9NwJ0
Adv dir. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ii73c8k63Ag
Anosognosia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nw3YUDQJuY
Stage 4: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coiZbpyvTNg
Stage 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIkTO4d8YyI
Moderate stage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cZTgG6kDjs
Best wishes,
I'll look into that but I think I will worry for the times when there isn't anyone there, so eventually may need to find a way to have constant care.
@Emily 123 Thanks for all of those resources. I've seen the basic Alzheimer's Association resource videos, but your list has so much more that I did not know.
With regards to the electric kettle, she was able to use it, but I think she just likes to use what she is familiar with and prefers performing a routine, and perhaps afraid that she will misuse it. She's able to use her computer daily to read the news, but prefers to go through a set of daily sites. When I suggested trying something different, she would say she'll afraid she'll break it or misconfigure it.
We have a doctor's appointment coming up (it's a routine health check) and will bring up the issues and request an assessment, and that will be a good next step.
When we had to switch to 24/7 care it was especially difficult since we were still doing care long distance. At that time we had moms hired help in for 8 hours a day, seven days a week, 2 four hour split shifts. Meals, meds, dressing, appts, hygiene, etc…were all covered. The neurologist recommended we get cameras for 24 hour supervision to be possible until we vetted help to stay with mom round the clock. That was a big job btw… but, the cameras were a life saver, literally. Maybe they could work for you too.
Thanks for the idea. I'll look into a camera -- it'll be worth a try, as anything small can be less worry for me, and also may also provide comfort to my mom, knowing I can know what she's doing.
