Having the uncomfortable conversation

I definitely agree. While my parents did not have that conversation one-on-one, they did make decisions with the help of their lawyer when making the living will for each of them. This document was very detailed and described various medical scenarios and their wishes for actions to be taken/or not taken.

One was actually for dementia situation with other medical conditions.

It is difficult to make those final decisions, but much easier when you have your LO's desires in writing.

This is most definitely important.

On May 5 of this year I suddenly became quite ill. I remember almost nothing of the next 5 days except for a short space of time when the surgeon came to talk with me. I’m 65 years old and had very little health issues prior to this. He told me I would get worse before I got better. They asked me what I wanted my code status to be. I told them if I get to the point I need intubated, let me go. When I was getting to that point, I was no longer able to make decisions for myself. They called my sister to question her about if she wanted to change my decision. My sister told them them she has worked acute care for years and her and I have had this conversation many times and we will leave her a DNR.

In my job capacity I was the one who often removed a patient from ventilator when that decision was made. I can only tell you why I did not have a problem with this and maybe it will help someone else who finds themselves in this situation. I knew man had done all man knew how to do. For me personally they were now in Gods hands. I believe that if it not their day to die they won’t, if it is their time to go they will. Some died and some didn’t.

When I woke up about 5 days later the intensive care doctor was talking with me. Told her when I use to take care of patients like myself now and then someone i didn’t think would make it did. Told her I would always say it was not their day to die. She said to me it was not your day to die. Hope this may help someone, just my thoughts. I have fully recovered and feel well.

I recommend that everyone read Dr. Atul Gawande’s book, Being Mortal (subtitle: Medicine and What Matters in the End). It is a profound meditation on what constitutes a good final phase of life as well as a good death. Thoughtful, beautifully written, and totally relevant to those of us who may be called upon to make challenging decisions about end of life for our PWDs, as well as ourselves perhaps.

Check out the pdf document, "The Five WIshes."

https://www.fivewishes.org/five-wishes-sample.pdf

This is really an important topic and it is not always a black and white situation; sometimes there are shades of gray so to speak. Going over a form for Advance Directives, I realized how non-detailed it was, and being an experienced RN, I knew from said experience with families over the years that there may still be questions for the family of what to do under certain circumstances and I did not want my Loved Ones to have to labor over an emotional situation second guessing themselves not only in decision making; but also after the fact if it was not a "cut and dried" sort of situation. So I wrote my own Advance Directives combining some of the usual Advance Directive form AND also some of what is in the document, "FIve Wishes," and clarifying it with my own personal input giving a bit more information under a small variety of circumstances..

Whatever one chooses for themselves, it is tremendously important that it be set forth clearly and in writing so our Loved Ones know specifically what our wishes are.

J.

I think this is so important. I bought the "Five Wishes" family pack so everyone in my family (10 copies) could have one. I think mine is the only one filled out and signed, but it did help make sure we'd all had the conversations in the year before my mom died.

I told my kids that reading "Being Mortal" was a prerequisite for being considered as my medical POA.