I may be starting all over again.

elainechem · November 2023

I lost my hubby to early onset Alzheimer's disease in 2020. I have recently become aware that my oldest brother (he's 68) has been having cognitive issues since his cancer treatments in 2014. He had oral cancer. He had 2-3 surgeries, radiation, chemo, the works. I was busy caring for my husband during that time, so I wasn't paying a lot of attention to my brother. Besides, he had a loving wife by his side at the time.

Said wife divorced him earlier this year. I didn't understand why because my brother is a really good guy, albeit a little stiff.

This past week, I've been hearing from my niece whom he had been visiting. She had been aware of some of his problems, but she didn't spend a lot of time with him since she's been married since 2017. This past week was very enlightening for her. She says his memory is much worse than she remembers. He repeated the same stories several times over the course of the week.

I talked to him over the phone today. He talked to me for 43 minutes. I got some words in too, but it was mostly him talking. He told me about people he has met at church. He talked about his old college classmates. He talked a little bit about his experiences in Boy Scouts all those years ago. These are the same stories he told his daughter.

I invited him to Thanksgiving dinner at my house. I live in an adjoining state, about 7 hours away driving. He will think about it and get back to me. If not, I might go visit him for his birthday. That's in a few weeks. My hope is to get firsthand knowledge of any deficits that he has. I can also administer the MoCA test if he is agreeable. I have a masters in special education, so I am able to administer standardized tests.

If it appears that he is seriously impaired, I'm going to ask him to move in with me where I can take care of him. He seems to have little awareness of his decline. He told me that he gets forgetful on occasion. He sounds like my husband did.

As a bonus, I know how to obtain guardianship. My youngest son has autism and I became his legal guardian in 2016. He wasn't happy about it, but you can't argue with the judge's decision. I could go that route with my brother if I need to. This is going to be a long journey. If you're a praying person, I would appreciate your prayers.

[Deleted User] · November 2023

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elainechem · November 2023

Victoria,

I don't have any of those answers because I don't live with him. He made it to his daughter's place by driving to the airport, getting on a plane, and changing planes once. Ditto for his return trip. He's been having problems with his cognition for nine years already and managed to keep his job until he retired at age 65. His decline seems to be much slower than my husband's was.

harshedbuzz · November 2023

@elainechem

I am so sorry this ghastly disease is a part of your life again.

It is very generous of you to offer to take on his care especially given your knowledge of all that that entails. Do you feel his daughter would be OK with that? Or would she prefer to move him nearer her when necessary?

HB

elainechem · November 2023

She has a 9 month old baby to care for. I don't think that she could take on this task, especially since her mother bailed out. I suspect that my brother's anosognosia ended the marriage. This probably happens a lot.

JDancer · November 2023

Your brother is very fortunate to have you in his life. It sounds like your prior experience has made you much more aware of what might be happening. The early signs are often ignored, but it sounds like you're on top of the situation. Good luck!

elainechem · November 2023

I spent three hours talking to my former sister-in-law this morning. She filled me in on a lot of what's been going on with my brother. The most significant things I heard were that he had a heart attack in the late 1990s, a stroke within a couple of years of that happening, and oral cancer diagnosed and treated in 2013-2014. He had strong radiation treatments which first caused cognitive decline, according to her. I did not know about the stroke. I'm guessing that he probably has vascular dementia, which needs to be confirmed by medical professionals. I plan on going to see him within a couple of weeks. Then, I'll know more.

VKB · November 2023