Happy? New Year

I agree Kevcoy, I am scared to death to face this new year. If DH declines as he has this year I’m not sure where he and myself will be this time next year. New beginnings with this disease are not good that is for sure. For now I do my best to keep that smile and wish them the same while I am dying inside. Praying for God’s intervention every moment of every day is my only hope. Thankful for the folks here that understand.

I admit I too am praying God will take my dh! He is in stage 7 and it is so very hard! I have been able to say that to a very good friend and she did not judge me! She is the only person other than you guys. For 2024 I wish peace and strength for each of us!

I, too, have the same wish for my DH. He’s probably in stage 4 now although he’s in stage 5 when it comes to numbers, dates and the year.  I pray his heart will go as he has high, untreated cholesterol (has refused to take statins for 8 years).  He eats poorly and doesn’t exercise. On the other hand, he’s thin, doesn’t get sick, and both parents lived to 92. 

Fortunately, I am able to share this with a few family members and friends, who are in agreement. 

This New Year is going to be very hard for him as the Dr is taking away his driving privilege. The letter from the Dr was mailed yesterday.  He doesn’t know it’s definite yet but knows it’s a possibility after taking a 2 hour assessment test in which the examiner recommended he not drive. He was very upset about that and thinks he was driving fine. He doesn’t understand what all the in office testing has to do with his driving abilities. It’s going to be a rough week…(s).

I had some weepy moments this afternoon while making desserts for New Years. I was listening and singing to my favorite songs and the love songs just tear at my heart. But I still listened to them. I think it was a healthy way to deal with this pre-mourning that comes and goes. 

I pray for everyone to feel inner peace and patience as we begin this new year together.

But in the new year, who doesn’t want to scream, “It’s not fair! Why does this have to be so mean to her?!!!” while sobbing alone in the car like I did yesterday. I’m so looking forward to more of that.

Sarcastic and bitter, joining the party.

Even though it’s now stage 8 for us, I am so wholly sympathetic to what you all have expressed here. AD is a one way journey of loss after loss, and anyone who loves his or her spouse can’t want the suffering to go on. And on. And on.

Although I will say with tremendous understatement that stage 8 is no picnic, no power on earth would have me bring my DW back. Now at least only one of us is suffering. And I at least have the potential to heal, as my DW could not.

My heart goes out to all of you still in caregiver mode. Happy new year? Not possible, but I wish you all peace on your journeys.

The only thing I know for sure about 2024 is that my husband will deteriorate. With AD diagnosed in 2015 and a paralyzing stroke in 2022, he is no longer able to have a coherent conversation. He is totally incontinent and has no idea where he is. In 2023 my mother died. A few months before that my beloved beagle died. It’s been a rough few years, but I’ve made it my mission to find joy and peace. I work out at the Y on weekdays, go to lunch with friends, read voraciously, do NY Times puzzles, and watch escapist movies. I visit my husband 2-3/times per week at his nursing home. He still knows I’m his wife but he no longer knows the names of our closest family members.. My life is not as exciting as it used to be, wining, dining, and traveling around Europe and North America, but it’s OK. I am grateful that I’ve found my own path to peace and acceptance.

I also find that hopelessness is my biggest challenge, and the fight against that feeling is exhausting. Seeking peace in the midst of this heartache, as well as occasional moments of joy can help keep it at bay, but sometimes I admit to feeling like I'm being hit by a giant wave and can't surface! I think that's okay, given our circumstances! I don't share this with others, as I don't want to feel pitied, but here is a safe place!

It's a bit of a wake up call to realize the percentage of caregivers who won't outlive their PWD; however, New Year's Eve is the perfect day to think about that and make resolutions for self-care, even when it is expensive or hard to do. In addition to my DH, who is probably in stage 4-5, I also have caregiving responsibilities for my 94 year old mother. She has MCI. I share this with my two brothers, but sometimes adding the worry about her, and realizing my brothers high expectations of my level of support for mom (making sure she has food, taking her to dr appointments (with DH in tow!) feels like the proverbial straw that might finally cause me to break! It 's up to me to find a way to survive...

So, blessing to all of you as we struggle along this path, and hope and prayers for moments of peace, joy and rest as you turn that calendar to 2024.

Last year this time, I had a hell of a time. I'm much better now, twelve months later. DH has been placed in an excellent MCF so I've managed to return to some semblance of a normal life. I've accomplished much in 2023, as painful and dire as it seemed the first couple quarters, I managed to survive. I give thanks to all the help I've received along the way. So many people showed up to help. Also, once acceptance happened, I could breathe again. The disease will continue its course. Can't control that. I can only prepare myself to brace for each decline. Deal with it as it comes. On a parallel course, I am getting myself back on the living tracks.

Wishing everyone a better new year!

Dear M1, I totally understand. I am with you. Every morning, I get up early before my DH to pray. I always pray for God's mercy to take him so that he does not have to continue to suffer through this confusion.

I can relate to so many comments here. This past year, my DH had a pretty big decline. We traveled (by air) to visit my family for a couple of days at Christmas but just yesterday he wondered when we were going up there. I said we visited them at Christmas and had a nice time and he got angry at me, saying that I must have not told him we were going or that I went without him because he couldn't remember any of it, even after I showed him pictures. He also has been showing confusion about our house, asking where we are, why didn't we go home when our friends left on New Year's Eve. Trying to take things one day at a time, but like others have said, taking the Christmas decorations down and facing a new year makes me think of what things will be like a year from now. So happy to be a part of this caring group.