Are you Serious?

Bill, I don't know where you are in the midwest, but I'm from Indiana. My wife was in a nice MC, and the cost was about $5300.00 per month. This took care of everything except personal items like soap and shampoo, etc. I think maybe you should inquire at other facilities in hopes of doing much better. It's been a year and a half since she passed, so maybe it is slightly more costly now, I don't know.

@Bill_2001 is your wife on hospice? Respite care is a service provided as a benefit.

Bill - does your wife's insurance offer respite? Medicare provides 30 days a year for spouses of PWD's I think (?) I used a week in an emergency situation once. And if your LO is a veteran, they also are entitled to 30 days of respite annually if I'm not mistaken.

Worth checking, And speaking of worth, you are so right to note the value of the service we provide at home with an expectation that it costs us nothing (not true), and shouldn't be compensated. Wouldn't it be something if spouses who choose to caregive at home could be paid just a fraction of that $5-$10k a month fee for the typically superior care we provide? We could afford to pay living wages to a person or 2 part time to give us the health breaks needed to prevent dementia taking 2 lives at once. But what would big pharma and the medical machine do without this moneymaker- the dementia cash cow industry?

Please look into her insurance options for respite and also call your area agency on aging, or local Senior Services. There are programs in many areas that can at least allow you a week or 2 to travel as you really should do in 2024. You deserve a break!

@Bill_2001

I am not surprised.

When I looked for what was initially to be respite (but became placement by the time I talked mom into the need to place for her safety-- almost 7 years ago and pre-COVID (which changed everything)--

Respite in an AL or MCF had an almost universal 30-day minimum. There was one place where you could negotiate a 2-3 week stay during slow periods. My Plan B was a SNF where dad had stayed before that agreed to accept him on-the-fly assuming there was room at an out-of-pocket $500/night until I was able to get through the process of admission to my preferred MCF.

When I was touring MCFs for respite/placement there were still a few that had an all-inclusive fee structure. Some of the pricing tiers were absolutely insane-- number of medications administered as if it's more difficult to give a person 3 pills instead of 2, escort to dining room/activities and my favorite "2-person lift". The last is kind of a trick question, for the safety of all involved-- everybody should be a 2-person lift.

Pre-COVID, COL seemed to have a significant bearing in pricing. There was a member here whose DH was in the same brand of corporate MCF as dad. I live in a part of the state where the COL is considerably higher than she does, and the monthly fee reflected that-- we paid about $7200/month where she was paying $5500. My aunt who was living in a very nice place just outside of Boston was paying over $10K/month in a MC unit.

That said, many people left this kind of work because they can do as well or better elsewhere and that has meant facilities are paying higher salaries to attract and retain staff. I have a friend whose church is sponsoring a family of refugees from Afghanistan. Dad, mom and son all work at a large CCRC. Dad has been promoted out of dishwashing to various assignments-- cooking, driving and even running errands-- and makes $20/hr. Mom, who is still learning English and is illiterate in her own languages which limits what she can do, works in housekeeping and makes $15/hr. The 16-year-old son has an after-school position where he runs food to the dining room and residents' rooms and makes that same as mom. Not only that, the facility runs a bus to the high school to collect the kids who do this to avoid them having to find their own transportation. My cousin's daughter had this as her after-school job 6 years ago at the same facility and made minimum wage and had to make her own way there.

When my friend cared for her mom, she hired mom's regular aides for weekends with a nurse friend of ours picking up a few shifts to help pay for her kid's tuition. My neighbor did this for his wife with MS when he needed to travel for work. He tended to find people word-of-mouth or via care.com which was less expensive because he only paid for shorter periods.

I'm told that respite can be part of hospice care. I'm not sure how that works or if it applies to your situation.

I hope you can find a way to make this work for you.

HB

Absolutely!!!!

Hi Bill,

I live in NE PA, at the “ base of the Pocono’s”. Before DH was placed in Nov, 2021, I had inquired about respite care. At the time, there was a minimum stay of 10 days (maybe 2 weeks). The fee was a daily pro-rated amount, based on the all inclusive monthly rate. (About $200. to $250./ day, all inclusive.) Since I was on the fence about permanent placement at the time, I was looking at a 30 day respite, so I could have a better grip on what to expect for DH and for me. There were some medical requirements (TB test, COVID test, Dr. recommendation for a locked facility). This was a stand alone MCF (only served Alz./dementia patients). During the time DH resided there, several residents came and went, on respite, while family members tended to other activities. I would keep researching; don’t give up. You deserve some respite yourself.

In my search, a minority of facilities even offered respite as an option and I was looking mainly at stand-alone MCF. Most had 30 day minimum so PWD had a chance to acclimate and staff had a chance to learn how to deal with new person. A couple had 1 week minimum. Some pitched this to move in on trial basis with less commitment on both sides, or a way to get quick temporary placement while looking for longer term option. Some had a community fee (500 for month, or equivalent of 1 day for week stay) on top of daily rate but were all inclusive for respite, even if they had some tiered pricing model for long term residents. Cost ranged from around 225 to 300/day.

Another consideration is the health insurance your DW has. It has to be one that the center accepts even though respite is a temporary stay.

I'm in FL. When I used respite, most require 30 days, but a few offered two weeks. There were some that offered three tiers and some all-inclusive. A couple were willing to negotiate on the length of time and fee. I ran into the ones with the usury price and snooty attitude. For placement I was able to negotiate a modest reduction in price. What I did find is the ones with openings were willing to take a little less or accept two weeks rather than 30 days.

Also folks should check out this:

My understanding is that while this is basically set up for those who qualify for Medicaid you can pay out of pocket for it. While it is still quite expensive, in my area, Seattle, it is still quite a bit less than private care. And, although it's goal is to help those caring for those at home, apparently, if you reach the point where you can no longer keep your loved one at home, it will include care at a facility.

I found MC close to my home so I did not pursue PACE any further. But it sounds like an alternative that might be a bit more affordable if you can't or don't wan't to go the medicaid route.

Bill, I live in northwest Missouri...St. Joseph. We are right on the banks of the Missouri river. On the other side of the river is Kansas. If we lived on the Kansas side we would have much better coverage as far as Nursing Home or Memory Care. A neighbor of my sons actually moved his mother to Kansas for this very purpose.

Brenda

I hadn't heard of PACE before so thanks for sharing this! I couldn't find any mention of the costs of you are going the non-Medicaid route. Looks like I might need to call to find out?