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    Competely overwhelmed and in tears or on the verge of tears ALWAYS

    juliemjh
    juliemjh Member Posts: 2
    5 Care Reactions First Comment
    Member
    in Caring For a Spouse or Partner
    Hi all! I'm new here. My 59 yo DH was diagnosed with early onset alzheimer's and primary progressive aphasia in Sept 2020. He was able to continue working until Dec of 22. He's been home and frustrated and bored and angry since then. He gets so confused and believes things that haven't happened. Sees things and people do things that they didn't do. Is absolutely positively convinced that people, mostly his children and their spouses are stealing from him/us or trying to get his things, tools, etc. I know that this is all part of the disease and it's progression. That doesnt make it any easier to hear it though. I'll say something to him and he misunderstands me or thinks i've said something different than what ive said and we fight. We fight several times a day. Im constantly aware of my responses and reactions to him and I know I don't handle it the right way but it just happens before I can even stop and think about it. I have alot on my plate. I'm 56 and have been disabled since 2015. I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Peripheral Neurapathy, Major Depressive Disorder, treatment resistant depression and anxiety. I lost my stepmom in Sept 2020, My dad in Nov 21 to alzheimers, my motherinlaw in may of 22, my stepdad in Oct 22 and the hardest loss of all my dear sweet mother in Nov 23. All of these people where such a vital part of my life and such an important part of my support. Now I'm losing my husband bit by bit, piece by piece every single day. He's no longer the man I married. I feel most of the people in my life are supportive and helpful and try to be there for me but they really have NO IDEA.
    Well, as I've unloaded all of this in my very first post i'm tempted, debating reviewing it, editing it summarizing it... rewriting it. but this is it so i'm posting it as is. Thank you for reading it.
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    Comments

    • Hope5757
      Hope5757 Member Posts: 150
      100 Comments 25 Likes 25 Care Reactions 5 Insightfuls Reactions
      Member
      edited April 2024

      I’m sorry @juliemjh,

      Sometimes life throws so much at us that we wonder how to keep going. It shouldn’t be this difficult!

      Teepa Snow’s breathing video was recently recommended and I think the entire video would be worth viewing. 7:21 begins the breathing segment.

      Don’t be scared to vent here. You’re in a safe place. The people are kind, knowledgeable and willing to share.

    • M1
      M1 Member Posts: 6,788
      1,500 Care Reactions 1,500 Likes 5000 Comments 1,000 Insightfuls Reactions
      Member

      Welcome to the forum and im sorry you're having such a difficult time. Have you discussed this with your husband's doctors? He is having psychotic symptoms and could probably benefit from medication that would improve quality of life for both of you.

    • LJCHR
      LJCHR Member Posts: 213
      100 Likes 100 Care Reactions 100 Comments Second Anniversary
      Member

      Wow, you have had a plateful.
      You have come to the right place-you can say anything here and you will get experienced/compassionate responses from people also living this horrible disease.
      I’m so sorry for all you have endured-it is a tough disease. Just remember that your DH has a sick brain and is not responsible for most of his actions. That doesn’t make it easier for you with your own medical issues.
      Please continue to look to this forum for support and help.

    • SSHarkey
      SSHarkey Member Posts: 299
      Sixth Anniversary 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
      Member

      Competely overwhelmed and in tears or on the verge of tears ALWAYS

      juliemjh

      Oh Julie, I can so identify with what you’re going through. You need some respite time away from your husband. See if there’s a residential facility that can take him for a few days to give you time to breathe and just plain sleep.M1 is so right. You need to get him medical treatment. And I can’t help believe it could very well be time to place him. You can’t handle this much longer, or you’ll go down before him. We all have our limits. Also, you haven’t had any chance to stop and grieve. You’re dealing with multiple layers of loss. You need professional support from a counselor.Many are meeting using video calls. Please take care of you!

    • AlzWife2023
      AlzWife2023 Member Posts: 365
      100 Likes 100 Care Reactions 100 Comments Second Anniversary
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      edited April 2024
      https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68854/competely-overwhelmed-and-in-tears-or-on-the-verge-of-tears-always

      Welcome & sorry you have to be here. I’m fairly new to this. I’m 51 & DH is 81. He’s about stage 5. This forum is a lifeline. I’m starting to feel like I’m talking with real friends & I post often to vent or share info or ask for info & advice or support and encouragement. No one who hasn’t gone through it themselves will know what you’re going through. It takes years for many people, including myself, to understand what’s happening to our LOs and to our lives. The advice for newbies is to educate yourself, get as much help as you can, go easy on yourself and on your DH. I’ve been a full time caregiver to my DH for 18 months and I’m still figuring out what’s best for him & me, for our family, finances, resources, etc. It’s a journey and I have decided to try to make the best of it. That means learning, growing, accepting, sharing, praying, working hard, resting, and showing grace, all on rinse & repeat, with brief episodes of anger, fear, exhaustion & fantasizing that it’s all over.

      Wishing you love & peace on your journey. Stay on the boards. You’ll learn a lot & make friends. (PS There was a time when I needed to take a break from the boards due to overload, but I came back & it’s been good).
      (PPS Last year, I started a very low dose SSRI for the first time in my life and it’s really helped. I realized I’ve needed that help all my adult life, but now it was really required! I’ve heard others here say the same.)

    • michiganpat
      michiganpat Member Posts: 144
      Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Likes 25 Care Reactions
      Member

      Julie, I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. What a plateful! This site will be your lifeline. These people know more about the realities of this disease than any doctor. My brother died this past summer from lewy body dementia and my husband is 6 plus years in with this terrible disease (his is some type of frontal lobe dementia). Have you considered counseling? It has helped many caregivers survive the terrible grief of this journey. Something to consider is also future placement for your husband. It may be too soon now (your decision) but the one thing my sister in law told me is she waited too long to place my brother. Waiting lists can be long and she found places can be pretty picky who they accept. You have come to the right place for help. Peace and blessings to you.

    • mrahope
      mrahope Member Posts: 550
      500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Care Reactions 100 Insightfuls Reactions
      Member

      Welcome to the group, @juliemjh . No one wants to be here, but it is a good place for support, and honest and caring folks are here. Please get help for yourself. You must feel like you're living in a world where pain and grief are the only currencies. I would for sure look into medication for your DH, if it is appropriate. If you are able to, some kind of a respite stay for him might be the best help for you. It's hard to support someone else if you can't get your own feet on firm ground. Please stop by and let us know how things are going from time to time.

    • Edu-K8-
      Edu-K8- Member Posts: 3
      First Comment
      Member

      Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. I think you’ll find your people here. We just placed my Father in Law who was having outbursts of anger any time he was challenged in any way. My MIL was suffering in ways my husband and I didn’t understand. It was one of the hardest decisions we’ve ever made, but we admitted him March 4 2024. He still thinks he’s completely fine and we are violating his rights, but we couldn’t keep worrying that he would hurt or kill my MIL, since he’s a physically imposing man.

      My MIL is pursuing a medical divorce (so to speak), to protect her assets. This was a later in life marriage where she is wealthy and he was not, and she was smart enough to get a prenup and put most of her assets in a trust. But I would highly recommend an attorney who can talk to you about your own protection, and help you plan for when the time comes (if it hasn’t already). You have to do what’s right for you, and living in a hostile and volatile environment is only hurting you.

      wishing you all the very best

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    DH = Dear Husband
    DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
    LO = Loved One
    ES = Early Stage
    EO = Early Onset
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