Just venting about driving...

My partner got so that she didn't like to travel by car, period. Maybe it's time to think about not taking him with you? Of course that raises other issues, like someone to stay with him or just not going places yourself. So limiting.

I just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone and I feel your vent. We are somewhere in the middle stages and my husband acts like an overbearing Driver's Ed instructor. The irony is, his driving was awful for a couple of years before the official diagnosis. So much so, I had anxiety any time I had to get into the car with him. Now he makes me anxious, but mostly frustrated and annoyed when I drive. I hate being the main driver, but try to remind myself that it's way better than having to be the passenger when he's driving. I miss my old chauffeur so much! Everything about this disease sucks. I tell myself exactly what you said… That it's his way of trying to find some sort of control. I can see him being very much like your husband as this damn disease progresses. Gawd, I hate it all.

My DH is the same way with bumps and potholes. He accuses me of injuring him if he gets jostled in his seat. He’s also gotten to the point where he shouts at familiar signs. We have a nursing home not too far away with a “Top Rated” sign outside. Every time we go by, he hollers “TOP RATED” or “LOOK OUT FOR TURTLES” (there’s a turtle crossing sign a bit beyond that). I’ve gotten used to it by now, but I never know when something new is going to pop out of him or what sign might get him going. To that end, I now bring a curated playlist of his favorite tunes and play them in the car. That usually gets him distracted and singing along (he can still remember all the words) so I can have some peace while driving.

DH just holds on to the handle for dear life. I chuckle as what goes around comes around. When he starts to comment I either tune him out or attempt an alternative conversation. I’ve had some respite for a year or 2 from the battle of his wanting to drive the car. I was just relieved about that. But just before this current hospitalization one of his threatening outbursts was because he wanted to drive. Ugh…

What I worry about for you is safety. Would he ever try to grab the wheel from you or get angry to the point where you can’t drive safely?

Oh yes, I know what you mean. Before this disease he never criticized me on driving. Now it is like I am a new driver behind the wheel. My DH has lost all directions to places, doesn’t remember doctors, or offices. So when starting out he wants to know location…do we turn right at this corner, etc. No, it’s left. I tell him just wait, you will recognize it when we get closer. Bumps are a big problem for him. Before he was diagnosed he started yelling at me for hitting a bump one day. I pulled over and parked. Told him this needs to stop! You are going to make me have an accident, or nervous breakdown. So he doesn’t do it so much now.

I am learning to tune him out. It is much easier than getting myself all worked up.