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    Honeymoon period after move to ALF?

    mabelgirl
    mabelgirl Member Posts: 288
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    in Caring for a Parent

    It’s been 3 weeks since my mom moved into an ALF. After a couple of nasty days , she seems to have accepted the routine and is very different. While at home with me she would just stay in her room calling her friend, she wouldn’t get up till mid afternoon , wouldn’t come down for meals, was basically becoming a mushroom. She now has a solid routine getting up and showered by 8 AM breakfast, participates in bingo and other activities, has some friends, walks the facility and genuinely seems content. I’m so elated and praying this will continue for a good while. It’s all I have ever wanted is for her to be content in her remaining years. She is still declining brain wise ; having trouble with names, mistiming bathroom needs is a more frequent occurrence and if it wasn’t for her doggie statue probably wouldn’t find her room. I am grateful for the now. I just wonder if this is like a temporary state and that eventually she’ll go back to being mean and isolate herself which then I think brings on more paranoia. Anyone experience that?

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    • terei
      terei Member Posts: 660
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      If you try to predict her future behavior, it is only a guess. I would say that as she declines, things will change…hard to say for better or worse. Enjoy the fact that she seems to be settling in nicely

    • JM27
      JM27 Member Posts: 156
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      Honeymoon period after move to ALF?

      mabelgirl

      Hi Mablegirl,

      I love that your LO has found a routine and socialization in a facility.

      I just to tour a full memory care facility today for my father.

      He too sleeps till or stays in his room till noon and doesn’t want to do much. My hopes would be he would find a routine and socialization at a facility as well. Just don’t know when that will be. Have some more to take a look at.


      Thank you for sharing.

    • M1
      M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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      Glad it's working, here's hoping it does last for a while.

    • H1235
      H1235 Member Posts: 807
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      I hope some here with lo at home with them will read your post and see that AL really is not so awful. Going to the end of the earth stressing themselves and their lo out just to keep them home may not be worth it. Too many see it as sticking them in a home, giving up on them. I’m glad things are going well. I hope it continues.

    • mabelgirl
      mabelgirl Member Posts: 288
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      https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/220855#Comment_220855

      Prayers for peace for you and your dad.

    • mabelgirl
      mabelgirl Member Posts: 288
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      https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/220888#Comment_220888

      well I think I was one of them for a bit. I have to admit until yesterday I was having many guilt pains but seeing her yesterday even with the noticeable decline, it has lifted my spirits. I just hope she’ll remain content for a good while.

    • Jo C.
      Jo C. Member Posts: 2,958
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      It can be astonishing the difference in quality of life for some of our LOs when changing to living in an assisted living or more increased care setting.

      Sometimes we do not "see" the actual depth of breadth of changes nor the discomfort of our LOs in various ways.

      Sometimes when placed our LO will do better. They no longer have the challenges of being in the home setting. This was very true of my LO who was used to doing everything and managing everything but lost the ability to do so. As the capabilities got less and less, behaviors changed.

      I fought placement for a very long time. Finally, there was an admission to LTC for a rehab period after an acute hospital stay. To my utter astonishment, my LO thrived and was content and happy.

      Care was good and there were activities and she responded to other people to talk to and partake in said activities which was surprising to me as she did not do so from the home setting.

      I had to get my head wrapped around the idea that placement for her, (in a very good facility with excellent care and activities),was a significant uptick in her quality of life. Who knew? Not me. I was able to visit and even join in at special activities and special days with her and she was content and happy. It was me that had to "adjust" and acclimate myself to the different way of being for her.

      Sometimes we can be surprised.

      J.

    • M1
      M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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      I think Jo makes a very important point. We all tend to assume that the home setting is best because it’s familiar, but we forget that it has its own challenges: safety issues of all sorts regarding equipment, plumbing, cooking, and wandering; internet access, pets, cars, having to deal with mail and bills and shopping—the list is endless. Many of which go away in AL or MC. The controlled environment is a huge plus, as is the shared caregiving and the built in socialization.

    • mabelgirl
      mabelgirl Member Posts: 288
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      https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/220915#Comment_220915

      yes much less to get frustrated at and for me it was getting the “don’t put me in an old folks home” memory out my head that she constantly said as we grew up.

    • Quilting brings calm
      Quilting brings calm Member Posts: 2,733
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      edited August 2024

      “don’t put me in an old folks home”

      ALs of today did not exist when our elderly parents were young. The only options were nursing homes with tiny two person rooms, bad smelling dim white painted hallways and no activities or common rooms to speak of.

    • Anonymousjpl123
      Anonymousjpl123 Member Posts: 747
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      @Quilting brings calm so true. I have already found the two places I want to go and are in my price range, and shared them with my family and closest friends. Granted I dont have a nuclear family but I do have younger relatives and friends who intend to take care of me and I made very clear what I want if or when the time comes. These places are getting better and better, and good care can be found with hard work on all budgets.

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    DH = Dear Husband
    DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
    LO = Loved One
    ES = Early Stage
    EO = Early Onset
    FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
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    AL = Assisted Living
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