Need immediate advice

Merla · October 7

My parent has gotten it into their head that they want to take a trip back to their former house states away. My parent is currently living with me.

they got this into their head because they found out that the dmv changed their drivers license requirements so they may be able to get their expired livense renewed. And while they are there they will go to a dentist and dr appointment.

I was caught off guard and didn't k ie how to respond to this plan. They can't travel by themselves nor manage all these logistics and I'm afraid of them never returning to my house and getting back with an toxic ex.

How can I stop this trip from happening? I'm super stressed out.

Quilting brings calm · October 7

Who is going to purchase the ticket for them? Who is going to drive them to the airport and walk them through srcurity? If they can’t buy the ticket on their own, and no one helps them, then they can’t go. If their driver’s license is exiled and they do r have the other documentation that the TSA requires, then they can’t go.

In other words, the easiest way to keep the trip from happening is to not provide any assistance in making the trip arrangements.

Merla · October 8

I just don't know how long I can delay her with excuses. She spent all day trying to buy a ticket. I just said the website looked buggy and confusing.

This situation brings a lot of anxiety for me as the dmv is the very top concern for her so she isn't going to drop it. The dmv policy very recently changed to not require written test for seniors if they meet certain requirements. I can't talk to a live person at this dmv because it's a 100% automated system. I want to find out if she would qualify for this easy renewal. Hopefully not! And then I could avoid this whole drama by saying she would need to take the exam any way.

NizhoniGrrl · October 8

I understand that you are getting fatigued making excuses but just try to stay calm and don’t help your parent. Does she still have access to a credit card? Cancel it. She can’t make a purchase if the card won’t work. Just shrug your shoulders and say you don’t know why it won’t work. Also, just tell her you called the DMV and the information online is incorrect.

Merla · October 8

I did get her a state Id here. The problem is that this trip to the dmv requires she travel. This is the main issue and not so much driving bc she doesn't even have a car here.

I don't have any legal authority to cancel her credit cards. We are in the awkward stages of trying To get everything arranged legally and financially to be able to help her.

I didn't help her buy a ticket but I think she may have bought one. I kept trying g to delay delay delay. I probably should have disconnected then internet but I didn't think of this.

Quilting brings calm · October 8

Getting a state ID where you live means that she cannot renew her DL in what is now her prior state. She’s established residency in your state. In order for her to get a DL in her old state, she has to prove residency and take all the tests because she has no valid DL anywhere anymore.

The DMVs had a coordination process where the prior state gets noticed about someone getting an ID/DL in another state.

Merla · October 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/224967#Comment_224967

Ohhhhh this could be helpful. She still owns a condo. Does this matter?

The problem is that when We went to the dmv here, they told her to renew her license in her old state and then to bring it here to transfer it. Obviously I didn't appreciate this advice. But the dmv employee here said it. Here she would have to take a written test and maybe also a driving test bc she is starting from scratch.

Merla · October 8

I'm going to try to use my daughters upcoming birthday To delay the trip bc she is very adored by her grandma. Maybe this will work.

JM27 · October 8

Merla,

If she has a dementia diagnosis no state will issue or renew a drivers license. Call the Dr and ask if dmv was notified. If not get a copy and send it to dmv yourself.

Merla · October 9

There is no diagnosis but we do have an appointment in a month. …

it looks like she doesn't qualify for the No test renewal thank god and she seems to accept this as accurate but irritating information.

JM27 · October 9

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/225004#Comment_225004

sorry that I provided incorrect information for California. I’m also in California but my father DL is from Colorado. They said they would not renew with diagnosis.

Merla · October 11

After a couple of days of trying and trying my parents bought a one way ticket so she can go to a couple of appointments. I'm unsure what to do.

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