Welcome. Dementia is about so much more than problems with memory. Lack of executive functioning/ logical thinking is also a big symptom. Another is anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize symptoms or limitations. My mom is more confident in her abilities now than she ever has been in the past. I find these symptoms even more difficult than the memory loss. He is probably going to get mad, but you (or however has the POA) needs to make sure that his finances are kept safe! It’s very hard to do if it goes against what he wants. Keep in mind his brain is not working properly and what he wants may not be what’s best for him and may not even be possible. Telling him no is probably not going to go well. I would recommend you appear to support him and just make sure it doesn’t happen behind the scenes. I know this seems wrong, but demanding he not do this or trying to reason with him will not work. I’m wondering if maybe it’s time to get more involved in his finances. There are people here that can tell you horror stories of a loved one losing life savings at this stage of dementia. I’ve added a couple of resources you might find helpful. If these links don’t work you can go to groups then new caregiver help and you should be able to find them there. Sorry you have to be here, but I think you will find it’s a great place for help, ideas and just to vent.
https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/1/understanding-the-dementia-experience#hlangandcommun
https://static1.squarespace.com/static/6372d16ea4e02c7ce64425b7/t/63f7b80d80d8aa3e3aa4a47d/1677178894184/DBAT.pdf
thanks!!! I really appreciate this. I am currently in the process of protecting the assets as we speak since I am POA so this is great confirmation.
That sounds like a good idea. Often one of the other things you'll see is the loss of executive ability. The person may make plans, but their ability to initiate and follow through with those plans will be gone. Once the short term memory starts to slip it becomes hard to hang on to more than one thought at a time, so decision making becomes challenging. The resulting inertia can be helpful if you're trying to keep them from plunging into something unwise, but hard to see on a day-to-day basis.
I appreciate this! this confirms to go ahead to restrict access to as much funds as possible but still having it available if needed. I want to prevent what he may try in the future & will check in with the banker tomorrow
She is also aware & will use the re-direct approach in talks with a business. I keep seeing you kinda have to play along with it
I was told by my moms bank that the DPOA allowed me to act on her behalf, but did nothing to stop her from accessing her funds. Even if she had no ID (they had one on file), no access to bank account numbers, didn’t know her SS number and no knowledge of any passwords, they would still let her withdraw money. We counted on no one physically taking her to the bank. Just something to consider.
You must make the funds ‘inaccessible’ . Transfer all her funds periodically to an account that is fully in your name(keep scrupulous records) or talk to a CELA or attorney about how to protect it.
Your banker should be working with you, not against you to set up a plan to protect her assets.
Something you may want to do is to make your contact info the backup for when passwords get forgotten, and set limits on the account(s) with alerts to your #. Additionally, it wouldn't hurt to make sure you have a list of his passwords for any other accounts—even without the dementia it makes sense to have some kind of access. My mom had forgotten her passwords to everything, and locked herself out of all her devices. Not fun.
thanks for the feedback, I’ve been working with the attorney to address any business matters as they come up. In terms in banking, I’ve moved majority funds to a CD which he ageeed to but he is only beneficiary. I left a small cushion in the checking for now buI will monitor & yes he is still driving. I turned on his location so I can see where he is…he usually is around the same three friends & one is aware on what is going on too.
You have been given some excellent advice. I'm glad to see that you've already started and had some of it in place. My question is, is his sister aware of his memory issues? I doubt he'd be the one to tell her, but she needs to know prior to her investing, IMO.
eagle
thanks for the feedback! Good question, that is next on my list to inform her but with the personal things she has going on, I doubt she would do this. It’s too much risk & first the bank would have to pre-approve im sure. He has no business plan, poor credit history, no cash flow, etc. I doubt the bank would agree to this. I think that is his wishful thinking talking but the AA says, they do this, are in denial & will focus on wishful thoughts.
