Have any questions about how to use the community? Check out the Help Discussion.

Should I tell my mom her brother passed away?

lizzyt
lizzyt Member Posts: 15
10 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Care Reactions
Member
in Caring for a Parent

My mom has been in memory care for 2 years now. She talks very little and only a few words with no context. Her brother who did go visit her regularly passed away suddenly a couple days ago. Should I tell her or take her to the services. I really have no idea what she comprehends. She seems to know what's going on at times but since she doesn't talk I don't know. Any thoughts on the correct way to handle this? Thanks!

Comments

  • psg712
    psg712 Member Posts: 427
    100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    I'm sorry for the loss of your uncle. Really can't say whether or not you should tell her. Did she react with recognition when he visited? Do you think she will realize that he is missing the usual visits?

    Even if you decide to tell her about his death, it's probably best not to take her to a memorial service. Especially if she doesn't go out often from her facility, it may be disorienting and upsetting to take her to such an event.

  • SusanB-dil
    SusanB-dil Member Posts: 1,240
    1000 Comments 100 Care Reactions Third Anniversary 100 Likes
    Member

    I wouldn't. If she asks, you can say he just can't come right now. If 'why', he's been busy... Can say with work or car broke down, but 'busy' might be enough. At this point it is whatever would bring the most comfort.

    Sorry for the loss of your uncle. It sounds like he was supportive.

  • mabelgirl
    mabelgirl Member Posts: 253
    100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions 25 Care Reactions 25 Likes
    Member

    The correct way is what you determine brings the family comfort. I personally think our travels on the dementia path are so diverse there is not one correct answer. Getting others experience is invaluable but ultimately if the primary caregiver is doing the care with thoughtfulness and love there is no wrong way. Prayers for peace and comfort for your family.

  • fmb
    fmb Member Posts: 488
    250 Care Reactions 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
    Member

    We did not tell my mother when her sister died this summer. Already suffering from extreme anxiety, hallucinations and delusions, she did not need the additional agony of grief added to her suffering.

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 653
    500 Comments 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    My mil was taken to her sister’s funeral out of state. Mil was in Al at the time. She was gone 2 days. When she got back she was complaining that her sister hadn’t called lately and had no idea she had passed or that she had even been to the funeral. She was also more confused than normal for several days afterwards. I think the question is - Is going to the funeral going to be good for your mom. Will it give her a chance to say goodbye or will it upset her routine and confuse her. Will she still be asking why her brother hasn’t stopped by, even if you take her?

  • SusanB-dil
    SusanB-dil Member Posts: 1,240
    1000 Comments 100 Care Reactions Third Anniversary 100 Likes
    Member

    Oh, no - sorry for your losses.

    Agree, she's calm and comfortable, and that is good.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

Community Guidelines


Click here to review the ALZConnected Community Guidelines

Categories