No Support From My Kids

I can tell my adult kids some about their dad and what’s going on, but not much they can do and I have no expectations of them. One lives across the country and the other 7 hours away. They both have families and work. Even if they were closer, I honestly don’t know what they could do. It’s hard to see a parent go through this. They feel helpless. I helped care for my MIL with alz and now my husband. The siblings of my husband were all close to their parents, but they all worked full time and had kids in school and sports. I happened to work part time and it was easier for me to go to my MIL house after work every day. It’s a lonely disease that takes so much from us. The cavalry rarely shows up, if ever.

I'm glad you pushed the send button. This is very common behavior. They (your kids) think they understand and have all the answers - your just not listening to them. When in reality, please do not be offended, they know nothing of what you are going through.

Let me briefly share my story. We told our DS & DIL what was happening and the diagnosis. They were supportive, going to move where they'd be able to help, be here every Friday night for family night - all their idea's. They purchased a house farther away than they were, never once offered to help and in year 13 they've yet to come for Friday family night. Matter of fact, we've not seen nor heard from them in over 8 years. And you know why? Because I gave / allowed his father to get sick with this disease. So they walked away. I don't share so you'll feel sorry for us or anything, but rather see how our DS decided to handle the diagnosis - blame me and walk away. (Yes, in that time frame I've reached out several times, he's busy, etc. Not once has he checked on us. We've had friends reach out to him, he ignores them.) At this point we've long realized he can't handle his father's diagnosis, that has absolutely nothing to do with us and is one hundred percent on him.

Be the best caregiver you can be and that's what you can control.

eagle

Adult children are hard to deal with and understand especially in this situation.To be in their shoes it must be heartbreaking to see a parent deteriorating when we all know our parents are invincible. Our daughter lives 8 minutes from us, she phones every morning and every night and I am so grateful for these calls but we get no physical help, in fact I spend 2 hours every week cleaning her floors, I take my DH and our puppy, it’s somewhere familiar to go, I make a cup of tea and a sandwich and she pays me. I think it’s a win win situation. Our son lives 1500kls away we talk on the phone once or twice a week, sometimes face time with the children. He just did a rushed 24 hour Christmas visit to see us, which we both loved, but no physical help, no time and I didn’t expect it, I just loved seeing and hugging him. Love what you can, appreciate what you can, don’t expect anything is my motto. Keep venting.