Bringing him home for now

Jazzma · February 12

Those of you who were on this site last year may remember my distress at putting DH in memory care in February. I have never been so desolate and could not accept that he couldn't be at home. I entertained the idea of having him half-in, half-out (thanks to all of you who told me this was a bad idea) and thought about moving into the retirement section of his facility. I finally decided to focus my energy on preparing for him to come home, whether he did or not — so modified the house with dementia locks and gates, magnetic locks on cabinets, a means to secure medication, knives, cleaning supplies, etc.

Yesterday I brought him home for an indeterminate amount of time. His current meds keep him calm and somewhat lucid, though mild sundowning is still there. He's physically healthy. The nursing staff have been supportive and helpful. I gave 30 days' notice so he officially moves out in March. During that time he can go back or daytime/overnight stays.

It's an experiment. If it turns out that I can't keep him safe and keep both of us healthy, I'll rescind the notice and they will take him back. As I said, very supportive.

Some reality checks, as I expected. We'll go a day at a time. My heart feels almost whole for the first time in a year.

Russinator · February 12

I understand how you feel. I hope it works out for you

Dio · February 12

Hope everything will work out for you. I wish I could bring DH home. Sadly, I've been too traumatized by past violent events. I'm doing battle internally between what I think I should do vs. what I know I should do. It's torture. He's doing so well now with his meds. But no one knows when these will stop working. And I've been warned that he could take a dive without warning. It would be easy if I simply give up on caring for my own safety, but everyone around me says NOOOoooo. So I'm very happy for you that you're able to judiciously approach this. Please keep us posted on how things go. Wishing you all the best.

BPS · February 12

I considered that for a quite a while after my wife went to MC, and I think I could still provide good care for now, but she transitioned easily from the hospital to MC. It has been almost a year and she thinks it has been a couple of weeks. I don't want to bring her home and for it to be a traumatic move back to MC if/when I can't provide the care she needs. In my case I think it is also better for my health for her to be in MC. I really hope it goes well for you and please keep us posted because your information on this can be very helpful.

trottingalong · February 13

I’m happy for you. I hope it all works out.

SDianeL · February 13

thanks for the update. So glad you are able to bring him home.

Biggles · February 13

I’m so happy for you, well done putting your energy to good use, never give up, whatever the result at least you will know you gave it your best shot.

Jgirl57 · February 13

sending positive thoughts your way jazzma. There are no easy answers on this journey

Joe C. · February 13

I hope the move home works for both of you. Good luck.

lenbury · February 14

Bringing him home for now

Jazzma

Feb 12, 2025

Those of you who were on this site last year may remember my distress at putting DH in memory care in February. I have never been so desolate and could not accept that he couldn't be at home. I entertained the idea of having him half-in, half-out (thanks to all of you who told me this was a bad idea) and thought about moving into the retirement section of his facility. I finally decided to focus my energy on preparing for him to come home, whether he did or not — so modified the house with dementia locks and gates, magnetic locks on cabinets, a means to secure medication, knives, cleaning supplies, etc.
Yesterday I brought him home for an indeterminate amount of time. His current meds keep him calm and somewhat lucid, though mild sundowning is still there. He's physically healthy. The nursing staff have been supportive and helpful. I gave 30 days' notice so he officially moves out in March. During that time he can go back or daytime/overnight stays.
It's an experiment. If it turns out that I can't keep him safe and keep both of us healthy, I'll rescind the notice and they will take him back. As I said, very supportive.
Some reality checks, as I expected. We'll go a day at a time. My heart feels almost whole for the first time in a year.

Good for you. Please let us know how it goes. I had a short MC stay for my wife before I brought her home with the appropriate support.

Jazzma · February 15

Four days home and so far it is going well. He is sweet and funny, often confused, a little restless in the afternoon so we go to the store or for walks, or he 'helps' with dinner. Sleeps a lot (8 pm to 11 or noon) so I have time for myself and to get stuff done. Only issue is that respite care in the area is scarce. I don't think leaving him home with someone else is an option. There are some places a little further away that will take him for minimum 3-day stays. I think this is going to work. I am happy to have him home!

Russinator · February 15

I hope it all works out.

FTDCaregiver1 · February 15

good 4u Jazzma! You have a plan and are working it. I too, ended up bringing DW back home form MC, after 6 months, to care for her at home. I beefed up daycare to help me at home to make it work. So happy for you and pray it works out for you as it did for me.

Bringing him home for now

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Bringing him home for now

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