Thank you all!

KathyBol · February 18

In my last post, I told how DH had the car key. That night, he left the key in the car while he was packing to go home, again. He asked me if I had the key, I reminded him that he had it last, but I knew the key must be in the car if the doors were unlocked. So, I told him I would help him look and sat in the driver seat. He went indoors to look. I found the key , but continued to help him look a while longer. When he could not find the key, his anger turned toward me. He wanted me out of his house, or would call police. This went on for hours until I said please do call 911. He had grabbed my wrist as I was heating water in tea kettle, held the kettle over my head and threatened to pour! He then called 911, I explained what was happening, that he had Alzheimer's , was delusional, agitated and aggressive. They came right away and DH is now in hospital for evaluation. I am heartbroken.

I want to thank everyone on this forum, who have given me advice directly, or through your sharing your stories. I know, as hard as this has been, my burden was lighter because of all of you!

RetaMeta55 · February 18

I am truly sorry you had to go through this. I can imagine the stress that caused you. I hope they find a medication regimen that suits his needs with no adverse reactions. I am sending you a virtual hug and pray for some resolution with his behavior.

CampCarol · February 18

Oh my goodness, I am glad you both are safe! I understand your heart is broken, but you absolutely did the right thing…they will hopefully get him squared away on some meds that will help, and you can get a little bit of respite. I’m so glad you updated us, hang in there. We are all in this together!

Biggles · February 19

I am so sorry it's heartbreaking. So far my DH is generally gentle and calm and I can get around most obstructions. I feel for you and send hugs and love.

midge333 · February 19

OMG, I am glad you are ok. Hopefully they will find a medication regimen that will help. When he is ready for discharge, I would strongly consider transferring him directly from hospital to memory care. Start looking at memory care facilities now if have not already started.

CindyBum · February 19

I am so happy you and he are safe, despite the heartbreak.

Take good care and I agree with the transferring to memory care suggestion.

Quilting brings calm · February 19

I’m unfamiliar with the specifics of how far along your spouse is, but I agree with the suggestion that you think about memory care. It is sometimes easier to get a spot as they are released from the hospital than from your house.

Phoenix1966 · February 19

I’m so glad you’re safe and that, in that scary moment, you made the right decision and protected yourself by urging him to make that call.

Hopefully, now that he is with medical professionals, he can get the right “cocktail” of prescriptions to help manage his anxiety, anger, etc. This will be critical if you do decide to look at placement. No facility will take him if he is too aggressive. Sometimes a geri psych unit is the best place to have him while they work to find that right mix of medications.

And, as @midge333 and @Quilting brings calm have suggested, moving him from the hospital to a memory care facility is one of the easiest ways to get them situated in their new location. Please seriously consider looking at some facilities while he’s hospitalized, so you have an idea what’s out there.

Lastly, if you’re not ready to have him back home and need some extra time, tell the hospital that there is no safe discharge plan in place and you are unable to safely care for him(and yourself). Stand firm, if this is what you want, because they cannot force you to take him home.

Use this time as a respite and try to decide what’s best for the both of you. Keep staying strong for him and yourself.

SDianeL · February 19

so sorry. It’s the disease. Glad you’re OK and he’s in the hospital where they can stabilize him. I know it’s heartbreaking but maybe it’s time to consider memory care. Praying for your strength.

Jgirl57 · February 19

What an ordeal ! Glad you both were not injured . Praying the hospital evaluation will help with an effective medication regimen

Mint · February 19

Sending you a virtual hug and thankful both of you are safe. Think it is time to consider MC so both of you remain safe.

harshedbuzz · February 19

@KathyBol

I am so sorry for what you went through, but pleased the 911 call expedited safetly and help for both of you. I hope he responds well to treatment.

If you are considering placement at some point, transfer from the hospital directly makes it easier than from home. It also allows you to frame it as rehab after a hospital stay on doctor's orders.

HB

White Crane · February 19

Kathy, I'm sorry you are having to go through this but glad he is in the hospital for evaluation. Hopefully he will be seen by a geripsych doctor who can get him on a good regimen of meds. Like others have said, if they try to discharge him, refuse to take him home. Just say no and tell them you cannot keep him safe at home. Keep repeating that if you have to. They will call the social worker. This person can help you get your DH into a facility. Transitioning from the hospital to a facility will be easier than transitioning from home. Tell him it is a rehab facility and the doctor wants him to stay there for a little while. In our case, the doctor said I could no longer take care of him at home and the social worker took care of everything. They even transported him. Sending hugs.

Brenda

mommafour · February 19

Kathy (from another Kathy) - I’m so very sorry that you’re going through this. The driving issue was one of the worst times that I went through with my DH. It agitated him enough that it triggered very strong anger and delusions, sometimes related to driving but also just in general. The anger can be very scary. My DH was finally prescribed the right combination of meds that has resulted in a pleasant, calm, compliant DH. He was fine knowing that he still had transportation with me driving. Hopefully it works out the same for your DH. Good luck to you. Hugs.

Russinator · February 19

I am truly sorry you had to go through this.

Thank you all!

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Sending you a virtual hug and thankful both of you are safe. Think it is time to consider MC so both of you remain safe.

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