DH put on in home hospice care

Hi everyone, I appreciate all of your thoughtful, caring, comments. When the time to leave happens, the one who is left feels so incredibly alone. It was just me and him at that moment. It has been 27 days. Some times it seems like long ago and other times it seems like just like yesterday.

Today, I was looking for a salad in the fridge and I noticed the loaf of bread that he always used for his sandwich, which brought forth some unexpected tears. There were only a few slices of bread in the bag and instead of tossing it out, I opened the freezer door and put it in the drawer.

My DH was not a kind and loving person. He spent most of his life being angry and upset over most everything and everyone, that he missed out on so many of life's happy and memorable moments. Somewhere during our 59 yeas of marriage, I realized he was not capable of giving me and our children what we needed most. To me, love and kindness was part of life. To him, it was mostly impossible to express.

The sadness of this is that I never told him until the moments after he died that he did an amazing job of giving us a home that kept us warm and safe. He came home from work each day and went right outside to work around the yard or spent time fixing something in the garage. I was so relieved he was busy and not yelling, to appreciate what he did do.

Today, I cried over some bread in the fridge and at the loss of a person that I shared so much of my life with.

Alzheimer's brought out this kind and gentle man. For the very first time, during the last year of our life together, he would say he was sorry.

Life is such a mystery.