Sad and scared

JCB · March 7

I am new here, and I's prefer to exist in denial but I know it's better to connect here. So here I go...
My 75y.o. mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's (early stage) January 2nd, 2025. I live 4 hours away which is close enough to be available and far enough away to make it complicated and difficult. My maternal grandfather had Alzheimer's as did his father. My brother and I have noticed symptoms for the last 10 years but there were other health issues that were often put forward as causes and my father is an excellent caregiver. In so many ways we are so blessed. My mom started medication to slow progression and feels better. She states she wants this to be something we speak openly about and not making the word Alzheimer's a dirty secret. I'm so grateful for her courage and leadership in this.
I'd like to hear about what helps any of you here as adult children giving long distance support. How do you balance you feelings about your parent's disease with your concerns about your inheritance of this disease?

ARIL · March 19

Hi, JCB. I am new here too, but just a couple of observations:

This part of the site gets minimal traffic, so it appears that posting under Caring for a Parent would be likely to elicit more responses. People seem active there.

For four years I was the primary caregiver for my father from 8 hours away (with plenty of obstacles thrown up by people in his immediate environment), so I can empathize with your situation in some respects. It is great your mother can be open (my dad is too), and it’s wonderful your father is such a good caregiver, All that is to be celebrated, as you know!

Although my long-distance situation was very hard (and my dad now lives near me), I would say that the things that helped me most were daily phone calls, frequent in-person, multi-night visits to see for myself what was going on, and good contact with my father’s doctor and with trustworthy friends who were local.

Yes, I am concerned about my genetics, and yet I guess I haven’t been thinking so much about that. What’s recommended are the same things recommended for hypertension: good diet, exercise, sleep, etc. We can do what we can do. It’s also good to remember that a family history of AD doesn’t guarantee that you will get it.

In your situation, I suspect that finding ways to support your father would go a long way for all of you. I wish you well, and I am heartened by your mom’s courage.

Sad and scared

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