Just need to vent : Last Days of Gene Hackman: ABC News Special

Timmyd · March 18

It is obvious that his spouse went to great length to protect his medical privacy and it was something she was quite successful at. I have great admiration for what she was able to accomplish. Protecting the dignity of my DW is priority #3 after her health and safety. It is not an easy thing to do. Now her reward for having done so well is to see his condition and worst moments exposed as a prime time TV spectacle. I understand in the big scheme of things we on this board deal with, this is insignificant, but just knowing that this show will air fills me with a mix of anger and sadness.

Biggles · March 18

I absolutely agree. We do work hard at protecting the dignity of our LO’s and it’s sad to see the spectacle being made out of Gene Hackman’s very sad demise. Protecting my DH is absolutely up there. I waded into a problem at a so called ‘function for special needs’ event this New Years Eve and I was livid, but I guess we live and learn, it just makes you more protective, selective and reclusive.

Mint · March 19

I agree with you guys completely that the spectacle should not be happening.

Think what should really be being pointed out, that would be helpful, it’s what I often mention on here. It appears there was no plan in place for if something happened to her. Every caregiver should have a plan in place for someone checking in on them, the caregiver, and this needs to be done multiple times a day. A high percentage of caregivers die before the person they are caring for dies. It’s like I often say would they know they should call, would they know who to call and would they be able to dial the phone. If they’re not able to do that and no one is checking on you, you and the one you are caring for are in a particularly dangerous situation which appears to be what happened. So I think everyone on here needs to take this as a warning if you do not have a plan in place. What goes wrong may happen so fast that you as the caregiver may not even be aware it’s happening. This happened to me in May 2023, at 2:30 PM. I was talking on the phone and fine. At 4:30 PM another sister tried to call me and could not get a hold of me. She came to my house and found me unresponsive. I have no clue what happened between 2:30 and 4:30 . No memory of it and I’m wondering if something like that isn’t what happened to her. Guess this helps me to know that I need to continue to encourage people to do this.

Carl46 · March 19

Mint, you're right.

Apparently, what happened to Mrs. Hackman was hantavirus, which makes you feel lousy and then rather suddenly goes into pulmonary failure. She called her doctor, didn't (probably couldn't) answer when they called back, and that was the end of it. No one was checking on them. No one checks on me, either. It doesn't happen unless you proactively arrange for it. I have a neighbor about my age whose husband has Parkinson's and uses a home health care service. I should ask her if she would like a daily phone call.

Mint · March 19

Yes Carl, that would be a good idea. She might really appreciate that and so would you. I think at the least you two should check on each other at a certain point in the morning and around bedtime. In between would be nice also if you both are willing to do that.

harshedbuzz · March 19

An entire news special focused on the investigation into their deaths carries the stink of slowing down to get a good look at a bloody car wreck.

What pains me more, is that this damned disease carries such a stigma that a person would feel compelled to become a recluse in an effort to preserve dignity.

HB

Quilting brings calm · March 19

I’m going to reserve judgement until I hear more about the actual content. Done properly, it could be a valuable warning to people to get that Plan B in place- to get those friends checking up on you. It’s actually not uncommon for people who live alone ( no dementia) to die and not be found for a few days. It could be something that is recommended viewing for years to new caregivers. Or, given what passes for entertainment these days, could be the spectacle you think it will be.

Iris L. · March 19

I had a neighbor ask me if I had gone out of town after she hadn't seen me for a few weeks. I told her no, I had been ill and was home. If I had needed help, I could have been dead, because she did not call or come in to see if I was okay. I realized then that I could not rely on friends to look in on me.

Iris

Dio · March 19

I think most people wouldn't check on you unless you gave them permission, they simply don't want to "intrude" or tread upon your privacy. My sister texts me everyday. Just this past Sunday I neglected to respond and I got an earful from her, of course, in the most caring way. So if you are alone or the lone caregiver, it's advisable to give permission or ask someone to check-in on you.

dayn2nite2 · March 20

This is horrible how they are trying to get ratings off a tragedy. This lady loved her husband, was trying to protect him and take care of him, when this illness hit her out of the blue. She tried to get help for herself and for whatever reason she couldn't. She couldn't go to the hospital, because her husband couldn't be with her (likely). People who have not taken care of a LO with this disease don't and won't understand. They will come up with some crazy conspiracy theory about why this happened. I refuse to give the program my attention.

wose · March 20

I agree with everyone. It’s just not right. It still amazes me how clueless people are. It really gave me a reality check to try to care for myself more. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be poor Betsy. What really made me tremendously angry were the rude comments on X. Disgusting comments about people they know nothing about. It rubs me raw what we go through, and then to hear others making fun. I gave them an earful back tho and it felt good💜

Carl46 · March 20

I saw in the news where the Hackman family went to court to get the Police bodycam images excluded from the show. I don't know how the court ruled on it. In a decent world the suit would not have been necessary, but the world of celebrity isn't decent.

A few years ago, a journalist was stripped and sexually assaulted by a mob in Cairo for about two hours. A few months later, the network (her employer) had her on TV, being interviewed and describing her experience in great detail. TV will do anything.

jfkoc · March 25

Well she did not protect his safety and if the "special" warns others about needing things in place so that if a shoe drops a loved one is protected then it will have served a purpose.

Protecting someone's dignity? Since when is it undignified to have an illness!

Bridge4 · March 26

If the show is done with dignity and respect it would be very useful to call attention to the plight of millions of caregivers who are suffering under the radar. As our population ages and we look for areas to cut spending on social services, the lack of a safety net for over 10 million American families will require much more visibility to gain public support for medical research, expanded residential care, and in-home caregiver solutions. Gene Hackman left us a great body of work to remember him by, but perhaps his greatest legacy could be to call attention to this disease and the need to mobilize a new set of ideas and energy to help patients and their families manage dementia progression in a more sustainable and dignified manner. I, for one, feel a new sense of urgency to get my Plan B in place.

JJ401 · March 26

“Since when is it undignified to have an illness!”

Dementia is today being treated the same as cancer was when I was a kid (early 50s). I remember cancer being spoken about in whispers among family back then, and absolutely not wanting people outside of family to know. Cancer came out of the shadows. Dementia is starting to. I hope this program helps to decrease the unjustified perceived stigma of the disease.

Timmyd · March 26

I have never had an issue with how my DW has been treated by someone who knows of her condition. It is those public interactions with people who don't know her condition where I see her dignity assaulted.

I understand the analogy with how cancer used to be treated and this is a laudable goal. I am not sure how that helps when we are waiting in line at the grocery store and my DW says or does something inappropriate or offensive. It is not reasonable to expect that everyone within earshot has the necessary context to react appropriately. This is what contributes to the decision to isolate.

Gibsonia · March 27

You are absolutely right. They touched on this the tiniest bit in the 20/20 episode when Bruce Willis’ wife spoke but not nearly enough. I was thinking Gene Hackman’s wife didn’t go to the ER because she was more worried about who would care for him than her own health. It’s so tragic. We all need a backup plan.

Just need to vent : Last Days of Gene Hackman: ABC News Special

Comments

Yes Carl, that would be a good idea. She might really appreciate that and so would you. I think at the least you two should check on each other at a certain point in the morning and around bedtime. In between would be nice also if you both are willing to do that.

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