I was wondering if I should mention to acquaintances that my DH is showing signs of Alzheimer’s. Sometimes we meet up with friends we haven’t seen in a long time and my DH has gotten to the point where he has very little to say or when he does say something it shows his memory is not normal. I don’t know whether to mention that my DH has Alzheimer’s or let people draw their own conclusions. What do others do?
I carry these cards to show someone discreetly
I thought about that a lot at first and decided once we were with friends and my wife said something and someone said “ what are you talking about what do you have Dementia or something “. My wife had no idea what she meant , from then on I mention she has Dementia. People say stupid things
I tell friends DH has had several strokes and has VD. They notice how quiet he is and how much more frail he has become. It's obvious now and I dont hide it. I say it on the sly, not in front of my husband.
I would tell them but not in front of my LO.
Same as RetiredTeacher and because it can be obvious that things are not quite as they should be and we often seem to have contractors call (carpentry, plumbers, electricians) and they always want to talk to the man of the house ##@@&!! I say my husband is compromised so just deal with me. I have found this the kindest quickest way to cope with this and if I say it quickly enough my DH doesn’t notice. I choose carefully who I say this to particularly when we are out walking our puppy or at the shops and usually I don’t say anything. On a phone call this morning to my wonderful older brother and sister-in-law I told them a few rudimentary differences between Alzheimer’s and Vascular dementia, they had no idea and were so kind with their responses.
I think it depends on the closeness of those friendships. I rarely explain to most friends and acquaintances, but you can tell by their puzzled looks they know something is wrong. There are small cards you can discreetly hand to certain individuals, but I have done this, and DW is in late stage six.
It took me awhile to actually say the words “my husband has dementia” because I felt guilty. I still do to a lesser degree, but all our friends do know. I just tell them my husband doesn’t realize he has it. I finally told some neighbors and a couple different ones said they were wondering if something was going on. There’s no shame in letting people know. Not everyone can figure it out themselves.
I like this card
My experience is different. DH was the one who insisted (to his primary) that he needed to see a neurologist after his sister was diagnosed. He even tested fine the first few times he went. The neurologist only had him come back because DH insisted something was wrong. Then suddenly he didn't test as well and it's been downhill since. While all this was going on DH was open with close friends and family.
DH plays in a card league at a local social club. He never said anything to them. He still plays well so playing isn't the issue. But, he started to ask repetitive questions about other things. The league coordinator approached me with concern. I confirmed his 'memory issues'. They said he can play as long as he is able and have been great with him. A few have approached me and said they have family with dementia and understand how important it is for him to play as long as he can. He's still playing well this season and last season came in in the top five in the league. Long term memory for the win.
I meet once a month or so with a group of friends I have known from high school. Long time friends who have been through the trials of life together. We freely talk about issues and help each other through them. They have been a great source of support for me. I highly recommend finding a couple of friends to talk to.
I do let people know that DH has LBD but not the gory details of his behaviors as a result of the disease…these are private, very private, and no need to be shared with anyone except perhaps close family. I chose not to share with his distant relatives because it would have become a gossip hot topic.
Great idea with the cards, may I ask where you got them from ? Thank you
I would rather people know than for them to think my wife can't even complete a full sentence. Similar to Jez975 I have these cards. I also gave some to my wife's two sisters who regularly take her out.
