Needing support from my online "friends" who walk a similar journey.

Same here my DH with VD doesn’t want any more Dr’s I weep I cry I do. We have other family issues and I wonder how much more can I cope with.

so sorry about his diagnosis. We know exactly how you feel. You are correct that more testing won’t change the outcome and it would only add to his anxiety. Doctors don’t like to talk about stages because everyone progresses differently based on many factors and depending on what part of the brain is affected. I searched online for stages of dementia and found many charts. I found one that listed behaviors within each stage. I found it both scary and helpful to know what might come next. Remember that behaviors can overlap stages. I kept a list of my DH’s behaviors in case I needed to communicate with doctors. It also helped to communicate with his daughter who lived out of state. She wanted to be informed. I did not let my DH see the list. It would have upset him and he would have denied the behaviors. Sending hugs. 💜

Enjoy your RV trip. I no longer rely on the doctors for information about the stages. I just review Tam Cummings DBAT tool . Our primary care doctor and neurologist did say they could add medications if behaviors warrant. I think what we are sometimes looking for is hard proof that there a problem and we are not just imagining it. I spent many useless hours second guessing myself

I enjoy the serenity prayer also .

Good Morning,

From my experience with loss, it has been my coping strategy to educate myself about the disease and sort of obsesses about it, looking for things to help the situation. Looking back, for me it has been an attempt to fix or control the experience of loss. It is probably part of the denial and bargaining process in the grief cycle. I have been amazing at how accurate the cycle of anticipatory grief is. You think you are moving forward and then you slide back into certain stages.

Be kind and gentle with yourself about this. You are on a long journey and can learn alot about yourself and others by self-examination and observation. You can grow from this.

You are fortunate in that your DH grasps his illness. My DH does not. He is in MC, thinks I just stuck him there and that he can do everything. He is miserable and gets sulks when I come.

Retired Teacher. Oh, the guilt! Am I doing enough? Should we try that new medication that MIGHT give DH more "normal" time? The pressure is from every source imaginable: hiss siblings (it's normal), the kids and grands (have you considered trying xxx), from the librarian as I pick up The 36 Hour Day, again, even from my p astor. I think i consider myself lucky in that as soon as DH got the diagnonis of ALZ, he and I discussed every possible scenario where medical intervention might be needed. His executive functioning was borderline normal at that time. He didn't want anything done that would extend his life. Having just gone through Covid together, I am well aware that if it comes to a DNR, that is going to be a tough call.

You are the only one who knows what you should do. If it makes you feel better to try all the various meds, then do it. We did, but he had an allergic reaction to all of them, but at least that is one thing I won't have to feel guilty about. Love your spouse the best way you know how. For me, it is in the caretaking without complaint. I am very sorry that you are here but this is a safe place to "spout" off. The world may not hear you scream, but everyone here does and understands…sadly. Find your peace whre your can. I keep my Bible opened to Psalm 18, which reminds me that I am not alone.