New to caring for a parent with ALZ (and to this forum)

Hi all. I am new to this board/ website. I just found it today and figured I would dive in. I am not sure I know what I'm doing writing here other than sharing my story and letting it out in a safe place. It's ok if I don't get any responses, I just need to let it out.

My dad turns 80 next month and has ALZ. He was diagnosed with dementia 2 years ago, and no further care followed. He was living with his sister in a different state, and we kept in touch via FaceTime and phone calls. I brought him to my home to visit a couple of times a year and supported him financially since he is completely broke. No savings, home, car, anything.

Recently, I started to notice a more severe decline, and his weight continued to drop (he was already too thin). One day, he started complaining of pain in his ankle and shoulder, and depending on the day, he had different responses as to what happened. He twisted his ankle trying to avoid a rock, he walked too much, and that stressed his ankle, or nothing happened. As far as the shoulder, he said he slept funny.

We contacted a cousin to go check on him, and she said no because she had the flu, but proceeded to tell my sister very nonchalantly that we should probably go see him because she thinks he may have had a stroke. WHAT?!?! No one thought to tell me he was in such bad condition, even though it had been days.

My sister and I flew out that night and found him in terrible condition. He was limping, skin and bones, there was extreme hoarding, etc. Long story short, I brought him home with me and am now caring for him full time. I took him to the doctor, and after cognitive testing, bloodwork, a full physical, MRI, etc, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. He is 129 lbs and in rough shape.

His living with me was so sudden that I wasn't prepared, and I am struggling. It's been a month and a half, and I can already see a steep decline. Things are accelerating quickly. Shadowing, repeated questions every couple of minutes, I have to take him to bed every night and lay out his clothes, make his meals, manage his medication, provide outings so he doesn't get bored, keep him entertained during the day, and more. I follow a routine, made him a calendar, bought him a big clock with the day of the week, month, and time, and labeled drawers and cabinets in his room.

It is a lot of work, and he is very needy emotionally. It's taxing, but I am also constantly grieving. It's like death by a thousand cuts. My siblings live far away, and although supportive, it's all on me, and everyone is fine with that. They don't understand. They're coming to visit at the end of the month, and I guess we'll see how it goes.

If you are still reading, thank you so much.

Maria