Spouse not eating or drinking enough .

Sophietucker · April 11

I seem to have come to a difficult time with my DW on eating and drinking and taking a shower . She keeps telling me no to all those things that are important . This issue I know will probably turn bad but I would like to know if anyone has any input on this matter . P.s I've tried mostly everything that has been suggested from the social workers and my family input .

Quilting brings calm · April 11

it could be due to her anxiety and depression. Have you been able to get medication for her to counteract that?
I suggest you leave food where she can see it- cookies, cake, just anything she might like in clear containers. Same with drinks - out where she can see it and easily grab a glass or mug.
Is it possible that she is farther along on the dementia path than you might think? Do you know about the stages of dementia? Can she do ADL’s such as dressing, eating, toileting, on her own?

Sophietucker · April 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/240695#Comment_240695

She is experiencing anxiety and the neurologist prescribed a medication for that . They said it can take up to 5- 6 weeks to take effect . We are waiting for a higher dose of it ordered in liquid form to arrive.She can eat and she has been using the toilet on her own . Dressing has stop due to her not wanting to get in the shower because either she says she has no clothes that fit her or she hates to be cold ... She's been pacing a lot and always has sleeping problems .

Old Iowan · April 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72778/spouse-not-eating-or-drinking-enough

My wife who has Alzheimer's is going through a lot of things similar to your spouse - From the start her Neurologist told me that you can suggest and remind and that's about the limit - Threatenting other consequences probably won't help - You might try a reward for doing certain things and try to keep things in a positive way but IMHO based on my experiences that's about it - FYI, due to health and memory issues I ran out of gas about the 3rd week in January and she's in a, so far, great MC unit only 11 miles away - Based on a lot of things I've read so far I feel fortunate for her having good care and very nice place to be.

SDianeL · April 12

I found that not asking was the best. I just fixed food and placed it in front of him on a tray at his chair. Keep snacks out. I also had him drink protein shakes -add ice cream. For showering I read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and it said there are several reasons why they don’t shower. 1. They forgot when they last showered. 2. The forgot how to shower. 3. They may be afraid of falling. 4. The water hurts their skin. 5. The water is too hot or cold. 6. The room is cold. So I told my DH that we’d & Sun were our shower days on those days I would get everything ready including clean clothes. I put the clothes on the bed. I got big soft beach towels for him to dry with. We had a shower seat and shower wand he could hold. I would turn on the water get the temperature and spray just right. Then I would tell him what day it was and say it’s our shower day and his shower was ready. It worked most of the time. If he was grumpy that day I tried again the next day.i found that after breakfast was the best time to try. No arguing. He was on Risperidone at the time. Hope this helps.

MontanagirlCA · April 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/240707#Comment_240707

Hello. My DH is about 5 years into this terrible diagnosis. He’s 68. I found the exact solution. I just make food and set it in front of him. Asking questions just confused him. He is also hard of hearing and hates wearing his hearing aids. It’s very difficult to have to make all the decisions and not have my partner any longer! I just take it day by day. Montanagirl/Ca.

SDianeL · April 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/240729#Comment_240729

yes, it's very difficult. My DH also had hearing loss but not severe. I think it was that he couldn't understand what I was saying unless I was close to him and looking him in the eyes. I think it was more of a brain issue than hearing issue. Plus he refused to wear hearing aids the VA gave him. I told someone I was taking it one minute at the time, not even one day at the time. Things change when you least expect them.

Carl46 · April 13

I told the hospice nurses my wife didn't eat well and they advised me not to push it. They said the body knows what it needs and she would eat if she was hungry.

I am able to get her to drink a Boost every evening by telling her it is good for her constipation. That's not even a fib, because I mix a dose of Miralax in it. The Miralax bottle says mix with a glass of "any liquid."

My wife hasn't had a shower in years. I wash her hair while she bends over the tub, using a sprayer hose, and give her sponge baths when she smells. I lot of older people don't like to shower, because being wet all over is cold and because showering dries the skin. I like showers but they aren't necessary. My grandfather raised cattle and chickens, lived in a farmhouse that lacked indoor plumbing and never showered in his life, but he didn't smell of anything but shaving soap.

If that sounds like I have lowered my standards, so be it. My wife, previously nicknamed "Ms. Persnickety" unwrapped a panty liner and handed it to me at table in a restaurant the other day. I'd say the standards are lowered whether I like it or no.

Marchbanks · April 13

I’m sorry Carl, but that is damn funny! I’m with you on the showering, sometimes I can bribe him with ice cream but he hollers like I’m trying to kill him. The other day I asked him to hold the shower wand and he turned it on my face and wouldn’t stop till I ran out of the bathroom. I pick my battles.

Russinator · April 13

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/240795#Comment_240795

Now that's funny, although, probably not at the time

Spouse not eating or drinking enough .

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