I CANT DO IT!!!

MarDel0917 · April 14

I'm 39yo female caring for the kindest, all giving to anyone in need 45yo EOA bf. I hate this f**cing disease so bad. Tomorrow i have an assessment with the facility i plan to put my loved one in. The fast track to get him into MC is via hospice. We had that intake on friday. My anxiety is at a high right now and I'm thinking I can keep doing and taking care of him right. This disease progresses so fast when he was first diagnosed August of 2023 the dr said he was stage 4/5. Now he is stage 7b. Fully incontinent, however can still tell me when he has to pee. He still eats food which his eating part has slowed down. I lost my sh*t tonight and just held him and hugged him and kissed him and reminisced of our first dates, walks down our downtown streets, dancing. He was agreeing with me and then was hugging me telling me "its okay, calm down" I told him i love him and that i am so sorry. I have done my best and to never forget how much I love him. I wish he could cuddle me and hold me. I haven't felt his cuddles in … I don't know how long. He would always rub my back till I fell asleep. I feel like a horrible person.

Help!!!!!

We are all in this together 💜

Carl46 · April 14

You're not a terrible person. You said you did your best! What more is there?

Pat6177 · April 14

Your feelings are real but might not be reality.

I placed my DH in Feb. I have felt so guilty ever since. I regularly think of bringing him home. That’s not the right solution either. I’m trying to accept that there just isn’t a good option. The options available all hurt so bad.

You’re not a horrible person. It’s a horrible disease.

Quilting brings calm · April 14

You are not a horrible person. As the saying goes- You are doing this FOR him, not TO him. You didn’t give him dementia. You are doing what you can to give him around the clock care by people who can go home and rest after their shift.
You will still be his advocate and his friend. There will still be things that you will be the one doing for him. You however will now get to rest and look out for your own needs.

harshedbuzz · April 14

@MarDel0917

The weeks leading up to placement were the worst part of the entire dementia experience for me. The discomfort and anxiety were almost unbearable. Drop-off was horrible as well. I'd suggest having a friend meet you after, perhaps in the parking lot even.

Dad took a couple weeks to settle in, but once he did mom and I were able to resume our roles as doting wife and entertainer which was beneficial for all.

HB

WIGO23 · April 14

You are definitely not a horrible person. The fact that you have stood by him and are feeling so conflicted in recognizing his needs are more than you can handle shows your love. I hope you will find peace and that his adjustment goes as well as it can for you both.

Please reach out here as often as your need to. We all understand your pain.

midge333 · April 14

I will echo what has already been said. You are a great caregiver. It is time to place him and you should not feel guilty. You have done your best. I agree that the weeks leading up to placement have been the worst for me thus far. There is a sense of finality to placement. It is a one way ticket. It makes me cry just thinking about it…

upstateAnn · April 14

you are grieving. That not guilt is what you dealing with. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Jgirl57 · April 15

(((Hugs))) (((Hugs))) (((Hugs)))

SDianeL · April 16

he’s lucky to have you. You did all you could and more. You are placing him so he can get the best 24-7 care he needs. When you drop him off don’t say goodbye. Just quietly leave. Hope you have someone to go with you. Visit him often and keep talking to him. Hugs. 💜

Karen711 · April 16

You sound amazing to me, and he is lucky to have you. Sending you (((hugs)))💕

I CANT DO IT!!!

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