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youngestdaughter77 · April 14

My mom is 80 years old and is in her second year of diagnosis. She is the church organist at our church but needs my brother or I to prompt her when to play. She can no longer do they planning or get up in time to make it to church so the church says she has to retire which I understand. However, some days she remembers and then at night she calls me and yells at me for an hour about how it’s not up to me. How do I get her to understand she no longer will be playing after Easter?

nopost · April 14

How is she getting to Church ? Does she live alone? You may have to evaluate her safety since her memory and dependability are impaired. She may never understand why she can't play so seeking a service time that doesn't have organ music may remove the trigger.

At least a Church organ isn't portable , I went to a church concert and was [I found out later] seated in back near a former star singer who had been asked to retire for the same reason- he belted out the songs—every song - off tempo and off key throughout the concert with no small amount of gusto.

SDianeL · 3:56AM

welcome. If you haven’t done so already, read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Your Mom doesn’t realize or remover she has dementia. You will never make her understand why she can no longer play. Her reasoner is broken. Arguing does no good. The kindest thing to do with dementia patients is to fib to them. Make up a fib and keep repeating it and change the subject by redirecting or offering a treat. Ice cream works for some. Maybe say someone else needs a turn to play? Is there something else she can or will do to feel useful? If not you may have to stop taking her to church. Again fib about why. Make sure the pastor is aware of any fibs you decide to use.

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