Home care hopefully will help ?

I, too, called this a helper for me. When we finally found a good match, it was a woman who is near my husband's age and grew up in the area. They connected over cars, music, and the things that were happening around here when they were younger. If your DW had hobbies, perhaps someone who shares that or can at least keep up a conversation about it. DH finally understood that I needed to run errands without worrying about him needing something while I was gone. I started out with quick trips to store or pharmacy and increased my time away over time. It's been about 2 months and I no longer get calls every few minutes wondering when I'll be home. I was very disheartened the first 3-4 months when we couldn't find the right person but I encourage you to keep at it.

Hi SophieTucker- my wife has adamantly rejected the idea of help in the house and has become very angry about it so, while I had several options ready to have someone in I opted to avoid the conflict. Just trying to have secret conversations with agencies was causing me uber stress. But, 2 1/2 weeks ago I came down with a severe ongoing case of dizziness (virus affecting inner ear nerve/ worn out caregiver stress response on top of 25 years of lupus) and so I had a breakdown (understatement) with DW and said we had to have someone no matter what she had to say about it. It was finally was obvious to her that IN FACT, I absolutely needed someone there for ME. Within a couple of days the caregiver shows up and DW within one day instantly BONDS with Teresa from El Salvador. I can’t say enough about the magnitude of relief it is to have another human being in the house who is learning our routine, shopping, cooking, cleaning, AND entertaining DW with walks, games etc. I don’t recommend waiting as long as I did, but to keep peace in the house and agitation down- we’ll, we all know how hard it is to get someone in. I hope your DW will surprise you and end up liking who you get. The “story” that you need it for YOU, IS actually true and can possibly appeal to some vestige of feeling our dear ones still have for us. I wish you luck with it, let us know!!!

Karen

My DW refused to let me get outside help. This is what finally pushed me to place her in memory care. I could have kept her at home much longer if I had help.