DW does not want to see a sister

Hvbw · April 28

My DW is 62 and has been living with AZ for the last 7 years. In the last 4 weeks she has become extremely agitated by the mere mention of her sisters name. We don’t understand why and the sister was obviously very upset although I think she understands my wife cannot help it. I was hoping that it was an aberration but the dislike for the sister has continued. Her sister lives locally and decided to come visit as we thought seeing her sister might resolve it. Unfortunately, my wife was extremely agitated and did not want to do anything with her and told her to leave the house in no uncertain terms. Her sister spent some time trying to reconcile with her and after about an hour my wife seemed she accepted her sisters presence.

Now a week has passed and it seems that again my wife gets agitated and sad when her sister name is mentioned. Her sister want to see her and II know it is sad for her sister but I don’t want to force the issue anymore and hope that eventually will pass. Note that my wife has another sister that lives out of town and doesn’t have any issues with her or anybody else. Also her sister that is locally has not been that engaged with my wife that much since she has been diagnosed but they have had a relative good relationship. Would like to hear if anybody has had this experience and how to deal with it. Note it is already hard on a day to day basis without having my DW being so upset

CassLoftis · April 28

I have experienced this with my DH a few times now. First it was his brother wo was insensitive during a card game and is now "hated" and now it is his sister who smacked him in the head (sisterly reaction) for saying there were too many churches in her area.

TBH, they have been almost no help or support, and I am exhausted trying to maintain my DH's relationships for him.

My DH seems to always put on the happy face when they come, but it is hard for me to deal with the anger and agitation he experiences when planning visits.

jsps139_ · April 29

My DH had a recurring delusion about his very best friend (since childhood). He told the story over and over to me and family members … he saw his friend in a restaurant and his friend acted like he didn’t know my DH. It was all made up; it never happened, but he would tell the story with such hatred in his voice. His friend lives a few miles from us and he also has Alzheimer’s. They could have enjoyed each other’s support and company all this time, but I had to prevent my DH from any visits. There is no reason to have my DH get upset (even if it is unwarranted) and I sure wouldn’t subject his friend to any angry outbursts. It’s such a shame that this disease affects so many relationships.

SDianeL · April 29

delusions are very common. Explain to her sister that your DW is having delusions and gets anxious and agitated as a result. Explain that trying to reason with her won’t help. I would discourage visits until the agitation can be controlled. I would talk to your wife’s doctor about medication for agitation if she’s not already taking them. Many loved ones have delusions about their spouse caregivers and that is one major reason they make the difficult decision to place them in memory care. So sad for her sister.

DW does not want to see a sister

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