Have any questions about how to use the community? Check out the Help Discussion.

What to say.

BarnesL
BarnesL Member Posts: 12
Second Anniversary 5 Insightfuls Reactions 5 Care Reactions First Comment
Member
in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

Yesterday my DW said if she would die tomorrow I would be happy because I would be free of her and her problems. I know this is the disease talking, but it is hard to understand. Does she think I don't love ? How do y'all handle this ? Thanks.

Comments

  • blacksparky
    blacksparky Member Posts: 81
    100 Care Reactions 25 Insightfuls Reactions 25 Likes 10 Comments
    Member

    All any of us can do is to just know that it is the disease and try not to take it personally ( better said than done). My DW has said many nasty things to me and an hour later she is loving and kind. They forget very easily which is a good thing. Hang in there and make the best of each day. 🙏

  • Old Iowan
    Old Iowan Member Posts: 16
    10 Comments 25 Care Reactions 5 Likes 5 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    When my DW says things I know that the disease is the cause of I'm aware that she will forget 98% of what she says within in a couple of minutes - Maybe that might be the same situation with yours.

  • RayeMc
    RayeMc Member Posts: 26
    25 Care Reactions 10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    My DH said just a few days ago that my life would be so much easier without him. Just for an immediate response I said "then who would I have to talk to" and that appeased him. He becomes teary at times and wishes he could go on but then, as the others have said, he's happy and content a few minutes later.

  • jfkoc
    jfkoc Member Posts: 4,290
    Legacy Membership 2500 Comments 500 Likes 100 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Lots of hugs for reassurance

  • Russinator
    Russinator Member Posts: 214
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Likes 25 Care Reactions
    Member

    (((HUGS)))

  • sandwichone123
    sandwichone123 Member Posts: 937
    250 Likes Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Care Reactions
    Member

    She clearly still feels your love. It's not love that's gone, but empathy. She's not addressing who she thinks you are, but who she thinks she is. Poor thing, feeling unworthy of your love and support due to an illness she probably doesn't realize she has.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 1,523
    500 Likes 1000 Comments 500 Care Reactions 250 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    it’s the disease. She’s anxious. Reassurance is what she needs. Just tell her you’re there as long as she needs you and change the subject or offer a treat. Hugs. 💜

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

Community Guidelines


Click here to review the ALZConnected Community Guidelines

Categories