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Mom incompetent

mpang123
mpang123 Member Posts: 268
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in Caring for a Parent

I have DPOA of mom. So far I'm doing everything for her and act on her behalf. However I'm scared that she might be angry towards me if I do something against her will. She might want to revoke the DPOA. The only was to secure the DPOA is to confirm Mom is incompetent and can't make rational decisions. I just had Mom visit her PCP for annual checkup and he did a very simple dementia test and of course she passed it. The doctor says my Mom is just stressed out about Dad and is affecting her cognitive decline. The doctor said she doesn't have dementia or MCI. But last year, her neurologist was the one who diagnosed her with Alzheimer's, MCI and ordered a neuropsychological testing. I'm very sure that Mom will do poorly on the test. I've done one a while back and I know what they test. Mom won't pass. I'm waiting for an appointment to get her tested. If she scores poorly, the neurologist can confirm her with Alzheimer's and that she cannot represent herself anymore and then she can't revoke the DPOA. I would feel better if I know that Mom won't be able to revoke it and I can take over her 100%.

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  • mpang123
    mpang123 Member Posts: 268
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    Note.... Mom is not incompetent yet. She can still make decisions such as writing a will. We're going to see elder law next month and get all paperwork done before she becomes incompetent. But if she refuses to see the lawyer, I have to have her doctor declare her incapacitated so I can see the lawyer by myself.

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 864
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    I would avoid bringing up dementia with her when you tell her about this appointment. Approach it casually like there is no rush and nothing is wrong with her. This is just something that needs to be done for way down the road. Pwd can get very upset a defensive. As far as you seeing the lawyer without your mom, I’m not sure what you can do. There was just a post about this. I guess it depends how the DPOA was written, but I wouldn’t think you could create a will for her. Maybe ask questions about Medicaid. I have attached a link that may be helpful.

    https://www.consumerfinance.gov/consumer-tools/managing-someone-elses-money/

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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