I just have got P.O.A for husband - how or if to communicate - any ideas?

Audrey22 · April 30

My husband is still pretty "with it", spends lots of money at yard sales and has accounts at building supply stores.

Yesterday I got POA and feel terrible - he will go ballistic when he finds out and I am looking for the least ballistic way of working with this and wonder if anyone has any ideas?

I am going to the bank later to tell them of POA - from where he has the forms for a bank loan against our house (we are low income and any additional payments won't work). This morning he is pushing to fill in the forms and take them in.

BPS · April 30

I have been married for almost 50 years and have never kept in secrets from my wife until Alzheimers. It was hard to change but there are things I don't tell her and things that I do tell her that are not true. You will feel bad at first but the truth is you are doing it for their own good.

SDianeL · May 1

has he been diagnosed? If so I don’t think he’s as “with it” as you may think he is. I don’t think he should be driving. My husband’s doctor said that once the diagnosis is in his medical records, if he is in an accident, even if it’s not his fault, you could be sued and lose everything. Definitely let the bank know about the loan papers. Lock down his internet access and all bank accounts and credit cards asap. He could easily be scammed. Also talk to an attorney. If your DH is not capable of understanding and signing documents you may need to get guardianship.

Audrey22 · May 1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/241988#Comment_241988

You are right I phrased my post badly. I activated a POA and I went through Spectrum Generations to visit a Elder lawyer day before yesterday.

I will read your post again and check I have in place the things you mentioned. Looking back I wish I had taken a friend with me to the lawyer - I was so nervous I may have missed something and its not my area of expertise.

Audrey22 · May 1

Yes, he was diagnosed 3 Christmases ago.

Driving is the next issue.

Thank you for your reply

harshedbuzz · May 1

Sometimes ballistic can't be avoided. And, TBH, a major meltdown followed by transport to a geripsych unit for medication to dial back aggression and the need for you to walk-on-eggshells may be the fastest route to peace in your household.

HB

jfkoc · May 1

Your husband does not need to know anything…The bank may require their own form to be filled out…a POA is never "activated" so please make certain the document is a DPOA.

As part of your Plan B you need to have a DPOA for yourself as well.

The legal and financial things take time to get done and emotionnally the tack is difficult.

Arrowhead · May 2

Don't tell him; just do what you need to do. If he questions what's happening, tell him you'll find out. We hate lying to them, but sometimes we must.

I just have got P.O.A for husband - how or if to communicate - any ideas?

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