Long overdue update

We hit the 3 year mark in MC a couple of months ago. It's been a 15 year trip with dementia so far. I know I posted here before about how I feel so "old" because this is typically a disease that hits older people. Managing end of life decisions and all that planning at 50 makes you feel old. Currently DH is 61, I'm 57. The trip started when I was 42. Life has been all about him since then.

DH is stable in MC. They should probably have transferred him out of MC to skilled nursing two years ago, but haven't. I have great relationships with staff in MC, so I'm glad he's still where he is. He can't walk, talk, move. He needs total care. He's been on hospice 2 1/2 years. They say he could continue like this for maybe another 5 years. Or not.

Until 2 months ago I felt stuck. I visited DH every other day, because I felt guilt if I didn't. It's a 40 minute drive from home, and I work full time (elementary special ed teacher). On a Saturday night I was sitting home - again - and said to my son who was also sitting home with me (he's 24), "We're pretty boring people." And I didn't mean it in a good way.

That next Monday, I was told about 3 elementary students (ages 5-11) who needed emergency foster care. Impulsively I said I'd do it short term. They arrived at my house a few hours later. Last week I agreed to keep them long term.

I've now had these 3 wonderful, wild and needy children living in my home for the last 2 months. It's been good for me. I feel like I'm coming out of a fog. I'm still able to visit DH 1-2 times a week, and he hasn't deteriorated without my constant watching. I always thought I'd have to wait until he died (I know that sounds absolutely horrible) to get on with my life. But it seems I've found a way back.

There were days when I was so beat down by dementia that I couldn't see what kind of future would even be possible. I'm still not sure what my future holds, but I'm good with my present.