Mom isn't talking to me

tammymissmammy · May 8

Hi,

I'm new to this. Mom was diagnosed earlier this year with stage 3 Alzheimer's. I was caregiving for her. I had to stop because it was affecting my mental health. Mom is mad and hasn't talked to me for several months. I use to talk to her every morning. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with this? Did she get over it and talk to you?

AmandaF · May 8

Earlier in her disease progression, I tried to talk to my mom about the symptoms I saw and asked if she would talk to a doctor. She became furious and didn’t talk to me for weeks, which was extremely out of character for her. I just waited her out and sent periodic emails telling her I loved her and that I didn’t mean to upset her, and she eventually told me she just wanted to forget it ever happened, and things went back to “normal.”

A silver lining (I guess) was that this experience made us learn more about dementia/anosognosia and realize that her illness was more serious than we had understood. We started making plans for her to have more care as the disease progressed, though it still took a long time to get her properly medicated and in a safe living situation.

Good luck, I know how hard it is.

H1235 · May 9

Welcome. A person newly diagnosed with dementia loses a lot of independence because they are just not capable. This is very hard on them. Many with dementia don’t understand/recognize their symptoms or limitations and are angry. The person who cares for them and keeps them safe is usually the one that takes all these freedoms away (with good reason). Because of that all that anger gets directed at the one person that is probably running themselves ragged trying to care for them. I would avoid bringing attention to any symptoms or deficits at all costs! I’ve had many visits where mom wouldn’t give me anymore than one word answers. I usually didn’t stay long. Other visits she has been angry and argumentative. It’s so hard. We finally have mom on a medication that is working. It took a long time to get the right med and the right dose. I would check with the doctor. From personal experience I can tell you bringing this up in front of your mom might not go well ( I would suggest a patient portal) mom said she didn’t have any problems with anger ( with anger in her voice) and threatened to not take the medication. I hope you can find a solution.

terei · May 9

I did have a friend who was a trigger for violent outbursts from her mother in MC. She was not able to visit for years, but I think that is pretty unusual. After a period of time your mom should come around, but try to be grateful that she is safe where she is. I know its hard.

kh945312 · May 10

I’m in the middle of the same thing. I’m an only child and all her anger, emotional outbursts etc is directed at me. Lately when I’ve visited or called (every couple of days), very few words are spoken except for her to tell me everything I’m not doing for her. Lots of triggers. Now she’s not talking to me or hangs up. It will pass at some point. It’s a true roller coaster. Sending good thoughts your way.

lisn2cats · May 13

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/242748#Comment_242748

Oh my gosh. It's like looking in a mirror! All of her anger, frustration, anxiety, disjointed weird thoughts are all directed at me because I am the only immediate family member. I've been feeling so alone….this forum is so invaluable. Thank you to all and sending my positive energy as well.

Mom isn't talking to me

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