Long term meds and medical screening

I understand completely. It's really quite remarkable how little compassion the physicians and other family members have for the 24/7 caregiver of spouses with dementia. DW was diagnosed nearly 8 years ago and has no short term memory. Most people don't realize how difficult that alone makes daily living for the caregiver. No participation, things constantly get lost or put into unusual places, everything the caregiver does gets interrupted by urgent questions that have already been asked numerous times, every appointment is resisted, hygiene has to be managed intelligently, vigilance is required or the wandering happens, etc. And to top it all off, I am realizing that I might be guilty of the pointless medical treatment you mentioned. But I guess as Nietzche suggested, that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. No doubt, there are multitudes of strong caregivers out there, some of us on the verge of blowing a circuit board.

I suspect most of us here feel as you do. Many of us would welcome and exit ramp at some point to avoid end stage dementia in the form of some other medical event or fatal illness.

My mantra with routine testing is "what are we going to do with this information?" I question mom's doctors around each test, new medication and procedure. FTR, mom is 86 and does not have dementia. We took a more palliative approach once dad was where your wife is— no more routine testing (X-rays, blood work for infection and testing for UTIs as needed only). We stopped his statin, metformin, baby aspirin and BP meds.

HB

I am handling this by not treating my wife's lymphoma. Neither her doctor nor I think subjecting her to chemotherapy for the rest of her life is beneficial. She is better off on hospice with adequate pain meds for several months than living a few months longer in discomfort and dying of dementia.

This isn't for my benefit, it is for her benefit. She entrusted me with her medical decisions years ago, when she signed a DPOA, and I am doing what she asked me to do.

we have decided no more MRI, colonoscopy , and decreased cholesterol dosage and stopped vitamins. We try and eat a healthy diet and continue what limited physical activity he can handle . Our plan is to not treat anything major that arises . I am trying to read and learn about palliative care.

I was in a similar situation concerning a mammogram for my wife. I decided against it, telling them that breast cancer was the least of her worries. I have colon problems and have a colonoscopy every two years. In your husband's case, I don't see the point in having one. Even if they were to find cancer and could treat it, like you said, why prolong his suffering or yours either. Do what you feel is right.

Along this thought of no medical treatment, our wonderful PCP has retired. We have upcoming “get acquainted” appointments with a new PCP. My DH is mid stage 5 and has a memory Dr to contact if I have issues with his ALZ/meds. My appointment is a month before his so I can get to know this Dr regarding ALZ. Does he need a PCP at this point?