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Where do I start?

jennw
jennw Member Posts: 1 Member

My 63 yr old father has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. He has not been told yet. He is still driving, but recently got in an accident and also lapsed his insurance. Anyway I don’t know where to start with telling him and planning and preparing for the future. What makes it harder is he only has an iq of 74 and lacks emotional intelligence.

Comments

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 864
    250 Likes 500 Comments 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Care Reactions
    Member

    Welcome. Sorry you need to be here. I hope you plan to take the keys away. Loosing the independence of driving is difficult and many/most with dementia don’t recognize their symptoms or lack of skills. They often see no reason for a loved one to take independence away (even if they know they have been diagnosed with dementia) making them angry and upset. How is his memory? Will he remember the diagnosis if he is told? If he doesn’t remember, doesn’t accept the diagnosis or sees no rush to plan for the future, I would not push his acceptance. Do what needs to be done (will, DPOA, take away car, finances etc) without making it about his shortcomings or dementia. Suggest that a will and a DPOA are just something that a person of his age should do, disable the car or “bring it in for repairs”. I know this approach seems dishonest, but it may be the lest stressful for him. I my opinion that’s more important than honesty. To back track a bit, seeing a lawyer and getting a DPOA is very important, I would not wait any longer than necessary on this. It sounds like it might also be time to take over finances. This is often one of the first signs of a problem with dementia. I hope something here is helpful.

  • coleycoop
    coleycoop Member Posts: 1
    First Comment
    Member
    I can really relate. My mother doesn't understand or realize she has dementia even though she doesn't remember what she did or said 2 minutes ago. I finally had to take her car away after many times "bumping" into things with it. She would come over and I'd see small scratches or dents in her care. Then one day she got "lost/confused" and drove up on a sidewalk thinking it was the road. The sidewalk was right next to a play ground with kids playing. When I asked her about it she was very defensive and was adament that she didn't do anything wrong. That is when I knew I had to figure something out about driving. Luckily she listens to me and it wasn't a huge deal. Just be prepared that once you take the car away you become the driver. I'm grateful she never hurt anyone though and would drive her anywhere to keep her from driving. Good luck!

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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