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itcanbedoneamigo · May 15

I met him after he was diagnosed. It took me a while to realize how much he needed. He has moved in with me and I have a 4 year old daughter. At first I thought we would like eachother. Now that he's been in my home for two years, my feelings have changed. He needed my help and he helped me a lot. But I have changed our relationship from a couple to friends. I feel so guilty and I learned my lesson about boyfriends, yet the poor man is having trouble with the change. Please be nice and don't judge me, I need help right now helping him. This is the worse thing I have ever seen anyone go through. Dementia is so baffling to watch. I need help navigating how to help someone with Dementia go through a major change in life.

Russinator · May 15

My heart goes out to you (HUGS))

midge333 · May 15

I would strongly consider asking him to move out. Are you in contact with his family?

jfkoc · May 15

The first question that comes to my mind is how much are you willing to do. Are you willing to be the agent named in a Durable Power of Attorney. That is the document he needs to get in place ASAP.

The road is difficult and we are here to help you…not judge!

Biggles · May 15

What a heartfelt and sad situation to find yourself in. Dementia can hide itself for a long time, which I suppose means that people can live fairly normally with it for a long time too. We all have stories of Doctors, family and friends who didn’t think anything was wrong. It’s an awful disease to deal with; a silent socially isolating unseeing one. My thoughts would be to contact every dementia associated organisation, speak to Doctors but I would also work out and set some goals for yourself. If he is financially independent you could perhaps try assisted living. At this stage you really don’t need 15 or 20 years of 24/7 caring you have a young family to think of.

weareallunique · May 15

"I need help right now helping him." As others have mentioned he needs a care, legal, financial and medical network set up around him to keep him managed for safety for the next stages of his progressive fatal disease.

Do you want to take it on for the next 2, 5 , 10, 15 who knows years? Double incontinence is a real possibility at some point.

Meanwhile your 4 year old daughter is going to have to deal with sharing her Mom and dealing with his behaviors. The end of his journey could probably be around the same time she is out of the house. Where did your time with her go?

You have to think on where your obligations lie . And that must be difficult for you since you have a warm heart but we only get one go-round and childhood is precious.

jfkoc · May 15

Jumping back in…go to alz.com and read all. Then go online and read. Then go to your library and take out The 36 Hour Day.

You can help right now by knowing what needs to be done financially medically and legally. You do not need to discuss all you read with your friend. You need to be his caregiver emotionally ass well as physically.

You also need to know how best to live with someone with dementia for now. For starters learn to listen…listen to the words and hear what is behind the words. Do not reason or argue. Help set up a care team….correct Dr., lawyer, you, his family etc.

Bottom line? You care and will do you best to be a good friend.

ronda b · May 16

Please take advise of what others have said. It's not an easy road and you do have a small child.

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