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GloriaV
GloriaV Member Posts: 3
First Comment
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in I Am a Caregiver (General Topics)

My husband is in the process of being diagnosed. He has no short term memory at all. He has lost his desire to play the guitar which he used to do all the time. He is wanting me home all the time and to be with me all the time. He gets upset. He is now having this anger outbursts usually at night. He thinks I want to leave which I never implied that. He left the car running in a closed garage for hours. Everything seems to be my fault. I am sad. This isn’t the man I married and he never will be. I am frustrated and hurt.

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  • Arrowhead
    Arrowhead Member Posts: 433
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Care Reactions 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    You are right that he isn't the man he was, and he is not the man he will become. He will continue to change, and you need to be prepared for it. His mind is no longer his own, it belongs to the disease. All the pain that you may feel he is inflicting on you is not from him, it's from the disease. Learn all you can about it. There are numerous good videos on You Tube and many good books. One of the most popular books is The 36 Hour Day, which can be found on Amazon. I've attached 10 Absolutes of Dementia Care, which you will find to be extremely helpful. Also, keep coming to this site for information, help, or just to empty your heart. We're all going through this and are happy to help if we can. We will all support you and love you.

  • GloriaV
    GloriaV Member Posts: 3
    First Comment
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/243332#Comment_243332

    Thank you! It’s so hard. I know I am the only one he has. I need to have my own time and he will freak out

  • SDgirl
    SDgirl Member Posts: 1
    First Comment
    Member

    new here. Have 74 yo x husband not seen for 30+ years contacted by his friend. He was homeless and has dfinate signs for yet un diagnosed dementia. No insurance no medicare part b. Plan was to move him from CO to OR where his daughter and I live. Supposed to be independent living but obviously plan a caput. I cannot live with him much longer (3weeks) now. Taking ativan daily to cope. Daughter works full time and has 19 yo non verbal autistic son. She cannot take on one more. Im at my wits end!!! Social services dont return calls or emails. So many websites look helpful but often turn into bottomless rabbit holes. Ive tried!! Difficult time finding health care. Not eligible for medicare. I dont know where to turn and feel hopeless getting a diagnosis and assisted living that is affordable. Any one similar or advice? He cannot care for himself meal prep, self care is non existent. I want to lock the door and hide. Any advice most welcome. Janet

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 1,523
    500 Likes 1000 Comments 500 Care Reactions 250 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    we understand how you feel. Read the book The 36 Hour Day”. Your DH should no longer be left alone. He could start a fire. He wouldn’t know what to do in an emergency. He could wander off. His memory and reasoner is broken so no amount of talking to him will help. He should no longer be driving or having access to the keys to a car. Caring for someone with dementia is 24/7. Can you get respite care so you have some time to yourself? If not perhaps look into memory care. Come here often for help and support. 💜

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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