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You are right that he isn't the man he was, and he is not the man he will become. He will continue to change, and you need to be prepared for it. His mind is no longer his own, it belongs to the disease. All the pain that you may feel he is inflicting on you is not from him, it's from the disease. Learn all you can about it. There are numerous good videos on You Tube and many good books. One of the most popular books is The 36 Hour Day, which can be found on Amazon. I've attached 10 Absolutes of Dementia Care, which you will find to be extremely helpful. Also, keep coming to this site for information, help, or just to empty your heart. We're all going through this and are happy to help if we can. We will all support you and love you.

new here. Have 74 yo x husband not seen for 30+ years contacted by his friend. He was homeless and has dfinate signs for yet un diagnosed dementia. No insurance no medicare part b. Plan was to move him from CO to OR where his daughter and I live. Supposed to be independent living but obviously plan a caput. I cannot live with him much longer (3weeks) now. Taking ativan daily to cope. Daughter works full time and has 19 yo non verbal autistic son. She cannot take on one more. Im at my wits end!!! Social services dont return calls or emails. So many websites look helpful but often turn into bottomless rabbit holes. Ive tried!! Difficult time finding health care. Not eligible for medicare. I dont know where to turn and feel hopeless getting a diagnosis and assisted living that is affordable. Any one similar or advice? He cannot care for himself meal prep, self care is non existent. I want to lock the door and hide. Any advice most welcome. Janet

GloriaV. I've not been on this site for over a year now but just popped in to see what's happening. It's painful to read posts like yours because they bring back so many memories most of which are not good at all. It's been a year to to date that my wife of over 60 years passed as a result of Az. The symptoms you describe are all too familiar. My wife was a professional oil painter/teacher/author. About three years ago she had no desire to paint or teach. All her tools, supplies, books sat just where she had last laid them. Completely void of any desire. If your husband wants you close by STAY WITH HIM. Take advantage of every opportunity you have to be together and do things that he can still do. Sacrifice your life to take care of him, if you don't you'll regret it in the end. I took care of my wife at home 24/7. There will come a time when you will be changing diapers, bed clothing, etc. It's frustrating and you will get angry and lash out but regret it when he is gone and make no mistake Alzheimer's is a death sentence until by some miracle there is a cure. The stages of sundowning, anger, shouting, physical abuse are all part of the "process". Prepare yourself, surround yourself with friends for support, those who understand you. Open up and be honest with your close friends for they are the ones who will be there when you feel like you can't take it anymore. The one thing I found out that is worse than caregiving is the loneliness after. You spend your entire life looking forward to the quiet senior years, accumulating "things and stuff" but if you have no one to share it with it's all worth nothing. I gave all her artists tools, supplies, paints,….everything to her former students who I know will keep her memory alive in their works.

Do not despair, Things will get worse, very worse but you have to be understanding. He is not the man you married, he's going to forget who you are, who your family is. In his own world, a child that needs constant care and understanding. When all is said and done you can rest knowing that you have done everything you possible could do on your own. Ask for help when needed, get in touch with hospice, ADRC, even good neighbors who are willing. My next door neighbor who is a young nurse would come to our house at 2am to help me change bed sheets and talk. You will not be able to do this alone but it can be done. God help you along the way and all here pray for you.

Cal

Have him taken to er for confusion. See if their social worker can get stuff started.

the running car in a closed garage is, for me, the last straw. DO NOT SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR HIM! You should feel no guilt, there’s only so much risk you can take. My local fire department offers a service that helps find placement for someone in his situation. Check with your state office on aging. Ask your doctor for advice. Do whatever you have to do. Just protect yourself.