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Looking for some guidance

mandicootnj
mandicootnj Member Posts: 1 Member
in Caring for a Parent
Hi, I just joined this group a few minutes ago and why not plunge right in? I'm caring for my father (and have been for close to twenty years) after some health crises and to provide companionship after his wife died as he's never lived alone. The past few years he has begun declining cognitively, but this past year or so the symptoms have been more pronounced. He's also prone to violence, but luckily for everyone else, only against me. My siblings and his siblings are of no help and power of attorney belongs to my sister who simply shrugs her shoulders or denies reality. I'm close to breaking from stress and lack of sleep due to stress exacerbating lifelong insomnia. He and I fight constantly, he's so emotionally volatile and unpredictable and I no longer know how to avoid rage moments. I would be so grateful if anyone has any advice. Thank you!

Comments

  • Isa
    Isa Member Posts: 1
    First Comment
    Member

    Hi I don't know how much I could provide for advice but definetly word of confidence, Hang in there. My story is not good and I've come on here to just read others journeys I just brought my mom from a foreign country, My sister who has power attorney found a memory care facility in my moms home town and decided what where she should be. three years ago she did this. Fast forward this week I took the flight over to bring her back to the states to come live with me. All my sibling said its all you don't rely on no help from us. Its only been my second day and I am exhausted, My moms dimenentia along with Parkinson and osterportitis is severe. I need to get some help fast, just getting her in and out of bed, her entire body frame is stiff. Its going to be quit the journey for me in the days to follow.

  • sandwichone123
    sandwichone123 Member Posts: 964
    250 Likes Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Care Reactions
    Member

    I'm not sure I understand why you feel responsible to provide care when you are not the POA. This might be a great time to step back and tell your siblings that you've done your part and now it's someone else's turn.

    These situations can be ugly if you have given up your career and your housing to provide care, but I do suggest beginning to look at options that include living your own life. If you are hoping to inherit the house, the price may be too high if it means giving up your own health and life options.

  • cdgbdr
    cdgbdr Member Posts: 165
    100 Comments 25 Likes 25 Care Reactions First Anniversary
    Member

    You need to take some action for your own sake. If the POA is non-responsive, it will likely get ugly when ypu get her attention. The least disruptive may be to involve the doctor for recommendations. Then the Area Agency on Aging and lastly Adult Protective Services. You can also call 911 when he gets violent, have him transported to the emergency department and tell them you cannot safely care for him at home. It's all unpleasant, but so is your life right now. You deserve better.

  • Anonymousjpl123
    Anonymousjpl123 Member Posts: 771
    500 Comments 100 Likes 100 Care Reactions Second Anniversary
    Member

    Welcome to the forum sorry for why you found us. I agree with others: if you don’t have power of attorney, please be sure that you are looking after yourself and your needs. Have you thought about getting help for his care? Are you in touch with local memory care centers or day care? Does he have a doctor he’ll see? Medication can sometimes help, but mostly you should not try to do this alone.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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