Disarming Mom

mandajean · May 23

My mom is I’d say stage 5/6 she has declined so much in the year she has lived with me. She is verbally aggressive, secretive and lurks trying to listen to conversations. Today I found her in the kitchen garbage with the tv remote in one hand and a pocket knife in the other stabbing in the garbage. I asked her what are you doing? She said nothing, I’m looking for something and she immediately slid the knife in her pocket. I asked her where did you get that knife and she yelled ”It’s mine” then said”I got it out of my purse” I turned around and noticed she had dumped her purse out on the table (I had no idea she had a knife). I asked her to give it to me and she pushed by me and said NO. And she put it in her purse, I picked up her purse and she grabbed it back….well that escalated…..but I was able to get the knife. I probably could have handled it better but in the moment I needed that knife she had just been stabbing garbage.
I am completely alone in her care. So there are no breaks from the crazy things that she does .

SusanB-dil · May 25

Hi mandajean - definitely tell her doc about this episode. There are meds that can dial back that agitation and aggression without being zombied.

If you ever feel that she is capable of harming you, do call 9-1-1 and have her taken to a geri-psych facility. They should be able to get that under control and on proper meds.

Please look into adult daycare for at least a few days a week so that you can get a much-needed break!

weareallunique · May 26

Her aggressive secretive paranoid actions combined with the hiding and use of a weapon make me suggest you consider getting her evaluated for meds to control this behavior now- before it is too late . Maybe a silent UTI is adding to the situation

You're counting on her not stabbing you, sneaking up behind you , using a bigger weapon —but that would depend on her having rational control of her behaviors and with her decaying brain you can't depend on that. Not for a minute. Can you lock your bedroom door from the inside while you sleep?

The no cost social workers that the Alz Assoc provides maybe a good resource for you to talk to about this situation.

I know what you meant, but your line "I am completely alone in her care" worries me- she's in your care but when things may look bleak it may you feel like you don't have options and she's running the show. There are options and the goal is safety first for both of you .

Please take care and address this asap.

"Get Help and Support, Day or Night

The Alzheimer’s Association is here all day, every day for people facing Alzheimer’s and other dementia through our free 24/7 Helpline (800.272.3900). Talk to a dementia expert now and get confidential emotional support, local resources, crisis assistance and information in over 200 languages. It's ok if you don't know where to start. Just give us a call and we'll guide you from there."

Anonymousjpl123 · May 26

I called that hotline at least 3 times when dealing with my mom in the beginning and they were SO helpful. This is exactly the stuff they can help with.

Sending you strength and the energy to get through this.

Most important: seek out help. You can’t do this alone. Hotline is a great place to start because it’s free and they know what they are talking about.

SDianeL · May 27

good job getting the knife from her. Please lock away any others in the kitchen. Immediately contact her doctor for anti anxiety meds. She’s not deliberately making the choice to be secretive or to listen to conversations. She can’t reason. Her reasoner is broken. She has anxiety which causes aggressive behavior.

Disarming Mom

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