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The lack of help is wearing me out

CassLoftis
CassLoftis Member Posts: 8
5 Care Reactions First Comment
Member
in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

I have a caregiver that comes for 4 hours a week and am supposed to have another for another 4 hours.

It is not enough. I need a break. His family shows up once or twice a year for a few days. Still no break. Now I am hosting guests.

My parents come and get him out of the house and make decisions for me like dinner etc. They make sure I get a nap if I want etc..they are in Europe right now.

I missed the family birthday celebration last year and Christmas. my sister's family doesn't want to come to Texas for valid reasons, but it means I am alone.

I need like a whole week to myself. DH won't accept that, he would be so combative and hurt.

Comments

  • jehjeh
    jehjeh Member Posts: 99
    100 Care Reactions 25 Insightfuls Reactions 25 Likes 10 Comments
    Member

    I understand. I wish I had advice to offer but I'm in the same situation. I'm glad you have your parents to help but I'm sure a longer break would help a lot. I just want you to know you're not alone.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 1,586
    500 Likes 1000 Comments 500 Care Reactions 250 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    some memory care facilities have respite care. They usually want them to stay a month though. Sorry you don’t have friends or family that can help right now. We understand. It’s mentally and physically exhausting. 💜

  • Jgirl57
    Jgirl57 Member Posts: 631
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Likes 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    I know how you feel; I just toured a facility that provides respite and their minimum is 2 weeks and others were a month . I need to get our apartment re-organized for the long haul and I need some continuous sleep. I wish everything about this horrible disease was easier. I hope you find a solution that works to give you more time away from caregiving.

  • trottingalong
    trottingalong Member Posts: 613
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Comments 250 Care Reactions 250 Likes
    Member

    I was going to say I’m getting where you are, but honestly, I’m already there. If I can just catch a good nights sleep it makes all the difference.

  • Jazzma
    Jazzma Member Posts: 179
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
    Member
    edited May 28

    I agree with CindyBum. I doesn't sound like you have options except for a week or two of respite putting him in a facility, if you can afford that. Will any of the family help with the cost? He will be angry and hurt and all of that, but you will not be able to take care of him if you don't get a break for yourself. He will be safe and taken care of, and he may adjust to being there better than you think.

    It's hard to decide to help ourselves when it 'hurts' our loved ones — but it's as important as anything that you will do. Sending warm hugs and lots of understanding.

  • tboard
    tboard Member Posts: 67
    Tenth Anniversary 25 Care Reactions 10 Comments 5 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73141/the-lack-of-help-is-wearing-me-out

    my situation is similar. I can not even dream of a whole day off let alone a week. If I could imagine it maybe I could do it. I get about 3 hours of help a week and few visitors. Parts of the family are ignoring me for now. My life as I knew it is over and I miss most of it.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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