Incontinence

jciuffo · February 16

My mom currently lives in an assisted living community with my dad and struggles with incontinence. She is asked on a regular basis if she has to use the bathroom, always saying no, then will have an accident 5 minutes later. I truly believe she doesn't know she has to go, but I don't know how help her and my dad. We got a pure wick for night which is great, but the day time is a true struggle. She also is very weak and doesn't want to move if she doesn't have to. Any advice would be appreciated.

SusanB-dil · February 17

Hi jciuffo - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason. I've seen several families on here switch to adult underwear, without making any fuss about it. We switched MIL. Ditch the regular underwear and just use a generic brand like Depends. We get the store-brand and they can still be pulled up and down, but the protection is there as needed. Also, get a waterproof mattress cover.

harshedbuzz · February 17

If you are looking to avoid incontinence products for a time, you might have success if someone takes her to the toilet on a 2-hour schedule. It's the same as potty training a toddler— you don't ask because they'll always say they don't have to.

HB

Shaneata · February 18

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/236546#Comment_236546

This is how we did it! We were actually able to then figure out a longer schedule, kinda like training my dad's bladder. He goes as he wakes up, which is always the same time every morning then every 4 hours unless he drinks more liquids like I try to get him to do. And yes waterproof mattress cover and under his sheet I have the hospital style pee pads. Just keep at it. My dad was admitted for sever UTI before he came to live with us so I always emphasize the importance of keeping dry, clean and hydrated so he doesn't get another one. That helps. Good luck.

south07gmail.com · May 15

Hi. I am new to the board and am a caregiver for my mom. My mom is 92 years old and has had several accidents. We have tried to get her to wear the depends but she does not remember having the accidents and refuses to wear them. Any suggestions on how to handle the situation. I have tried to explain explaining to my mom that she has had accidents, but she does not believe me. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

south07gmail.com · May 27

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/236627#Comment_236627

I noticed that coffee is a trigger for her so I tried to get her to go shortly after drinking coffee but she tells me she does not need to go and is not a child. Most times 5 minutes later she has gone into the bathroom but does not get there in time and then needs to clean up and then I end up cleaning up the floor, etc.

Anonymousjpl123 · May 28

Unfortunately I’m sort of an incontinence expert. My mom has Alzheimer’s and NPH, which makes incontinence a huge ongoing severe issue.

What worked (in this order):

Me taking her to the drugstore and buying the depends that look most like underwear (one for me, one for her). It started the process.
Adult onesies when she refused toileting help (meaning it was an issue for facilities) - she wouldn’t wear them but hated them - loathed them - enough to follow staff below.
Two-hour toileting with real respect: no questions, just “hey (first name), let’s go do a quick check, ok?” Super subtle. Not a question. Not a big deal. Now routine.
Lots of waterproof pads on bed

What did not work (im this order):

Replacing her underwear (she would take off depends)
Two hour toileting as a question - “Do you need to go the bathroom?” (She never did, immediately went 5 minutes later)
Shaming her: “Name, you know you can’t just pee out here!” (Yes that happened once).

it’s about acceptance (I’ve had to change my mom a lot, my #1 goal is try to make it seem a normal part of life) and staff being firm but very respectful. Hard balance but doable. It’s 💯 not an issue for her these days.

Incontinence

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