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Unhappy Anniversary

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blacksparky
blacksparky Member Posts: 103
100 Care Reactions 25 Insightfuls Reactions 25 Likes 10 Comments
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

Today is our 13th wedding anniversary. Last year DW jumped out of bed and gave me a big kiss and wished me a happy anniversary. This morning I told her happy anniversary and she had no reaction just continued to talk about something that made no sense. I guess this year is the beginning of unhappy anniversaries for me. Just another reminder that I am losing my dear wife day by day. 

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  • MontanagirlCA
    MontanagirlCA Member Posts: 8
    25 Care Reactions Second Anniversary First Comment
    Member

    I totally understand. It’s been years since my LO has remembered our anniversary, my birthday, Mother’s Day, and Valentine’s Day etc. Those days don’t even seem important anymore. I don’t feel like a wife, I’m a roommate, caregiver. Our marriage has mostly not been happy. At first when I had my three children it was fun. He hardly ever helped me with them though. We aren’t really compatible. I should have realized this 40 plus years ago. I find myself looking at other couples who are happy and wishing that we had been like them. He just makes everything so much more difficult, I know it’s not his fault. We are moving again to be closer to our daughter, I just can’t do this alone anymore. He has a caregiver once a week and a friend he sees twice a week so these breaks really help. Sorry this is so depressing.

  • David1941
    David1941 Member Posts: 7
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Member

    We had a big 60th anniversary last Fall. My DW, a retired psych nurse, said she wanted it to be wonderful because in the future she will no longer know what it is. We have pictures on wall - maybe to help us remember. Or no? To be seen.

  • BPS
    BPS Member Posts: 265
    250 Care Reactions 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
    Member

    I don't even mention anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, or any special day it only depresses me and seams to confuses her. I can relate to you MontanagirlCA our marriage was great for the first 22 years and not so great for the last 23 years. I often wonder if it is harder for those that had that two becomes one kind of relationship seeing their other half slipping away or for us that feel trapped and are here out of commitment or responsibility or whatever it is. I do still truly care but my feeling are not what they were or what I wish they were.

  • l7pla1w2
    l7pla1w2 Member Posts: 272
    100 Likes 100 Care Reactions 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    I do still truly care but my feeling are not what they were or what I wish they were.

    I know exactly what you mean and feel the same way. I don't feel guilty about placing DW in MC, but those are the feelings that can induce guilt.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 1,731
    500 Insightfuls Reactions 500 Likes 1000 Comments 500 Care Reactions
    Member

    so sorry. We know how you feel. Cherish the memories. 💜

  • Dio
    Dio Member Posts: 823
    250 Likes 250 Care Reactions 500 Comments Third Anniversary
    Member
    edited June 11

    Perhaps, it's just a passing phase. She may surprise you next year, or the one after. Two years ago at the onset of this wretched journey, my husband said I was lying when I told him it was our anniversary. I even showed him our unity candle with our wedding invitation designed into it. He said it was fake. 😥 This year, we celebrated our 30th anniversary with much bittersweet memories. He doesn't remember our "dark" period, and there's no reason/need for him to remember. I told him to just remember all the happy good memories. (It's best that the carrier of all of our memories, good and bad, is with me, although I wish I could erase the bad.)

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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