Stuck in the middle

inform the staff at the MC that you are going to cut back on your visits because you will be taking some out of town trips. Then do so.

I’m in Stage 8 and still stuck. I’m trying but it’s so difficult. I have to force myself to do anything. I know my DH would want me to live the rest of my life and be happy but how do you do that after going through what we have as caregivers? I’m going to meet family I haven’t seen in a year later this month. First time I’ve gone anywhere by myself. So take that trip. Force yourself if you must. She is being taken care of and doesn’t know if you visited her yesterday. 💜

When we marry we agree to share a life , to be living together as one because we love and respect our partner . Sadly, this disease separates us physically many times and mentally . Moving to a loving supportive role to keep our self healthy isn't a betrayal . Whether you tango with a new person on a dance floor, boudoir , internet depending on your moral take , for lack of a better word, or just keep your self healthy by staying active and connected to the "real world" seems like what our loved one would want in their former rational minds.

If you'd said when they were well—" I'm going to isolate and just do rote maintenance functions" they wouldn't have supported that so don't do it to yourself .

The time factor with this disease is so hard to deal with - we tend to like to get through the yuck and "put it behind us" but this disease process goes on so long we could lose what time we have left if we wait for a blank slate .

And if the healthy partner goes first no one can take the same position as understanding loving caregiver. So then you'll have shortchanged the both of you.

I'm definitely not a psychiatrist, but I think if nothing interests you, if you don't feel like doing anything, those are symptoms of depression. No one here would criticize you for doing what you need to do to get out of that state, whether that means seeing a shrink, getting anti-depressants, leaving the house for a day, an afternoon, an hour to do something fun. (Yes, I know, nothing feels like fun.) Maybe take a nature walk in a park, forest, lake, or beach to get out of your own head. You have a caregiver. You can do it. You need it. DH will be okay.

I took care of my husband/household for 8 years. He died 9 years ago. Looking back I realize that almost all of the time I had something in my life that I enjoyed…all by myself. Sometimes it was "big". I studied a foreign language on line and bought some paints. Sometimes it was "little" like calling a friend (no, they did not call me). Sure there were times I felt like running away but they did not last.

It is hard to be alone and yes, being alone comes before death. I started missing my husband long before he died. I miss him still but even though I am alone I am pretty much not lonely.

My advice? Take a baby step into something that you enjoy. Just one little step. You will find the world still exists and that you are still a part of it.

The world I found myself in was desperately hard but I did it and it was with the help of so many here.

Thanks for making this post. I’m in the beginnings of this nightmare. My LW is in stage 4, some stage 5. I keep thinking about my future and the journey I have ahead. Thinking about when MC must come, how often do I visit, at what point do I move on emotionally (start the makings of a new life) for self protection against depression, a loss of self purpose. I need people in my life, I’m a social person and have always been active. I also know the “out of site, out of mind” result happens when a person backs away from social opportunities dealing with my LW every day and just getting worn out. I never hear any positive, good coming out of what’s in front of me. It’s all doom and gloom, negative, hard, draining emotionally and nothing but a long, long years of years of a nightmare. How damn depressing it all makes me feel.
We had a shouting match at each other yesterday, She screamed in my face, so I screamed back. It was terrible, I didn’t want to be around her and went off in another part of the house the rest of the afternoon. I’m also finding I’m loosing my temper and emotions easier. It’s the frustration of living with someone that never does anything right. So, I’m having to redo everything she does. She almost burned down the kitchen 3 nights ago turning on a burner vs turning off the oven. I’m afraid for my health in the long term. I’m rambling, but maybe that’s ok.

A very close friend was diagnosed with dementia about 8 months ago. She’s still sweet, functional, but very forgetful. Her husband ended up resenting her for her inability to be who she used to be. He chose to leave. At first I thought he was a jerk when she told me he left her. But in reality, as hard as it was initially for both of them, his decision was the right one. They are both in a better place now. He told me he was getting so stressed and angry at the situation and knew it was hurting her and making things so much worse. He isn’t a horrible person, he’s just not equipped emotionally for what his wife is becoming. My point here is, we all have to make choices that not everyone will agree with and some will judge. So be it. No one lives in your shoes, but you.