agression, no diagnosis

Renai Smith · June 7

im struggling with parents verbally arguing and blaming one another of having dementia/alzhiemers w/o diagnossis,.. i have worked as a caregiver/carepartner for 13yrs, in a facility. I am struggling and dont know how to go about getting a diagnosis, because i see both of there judgement and reasoning completely gone, but being on the other end of this as family, i dont know how, i keep getting ran around. they have been married 38 yrs as of yesterday, never faught, or acted like this behavior. its both of them calling me complaining about one another, multiple times a day , REPETITIVELY!..they are acting like highschoolers... they do not have an updated advace directive in this state we reside in, and i , along w/sister are nowhere documented as family nor emergency contacts w/drs. i have taken 2 packets of the a/d paperwoork to them 2 difrent times, and explained why it is so veryn important that they both update it, also talked with them about what could happen if there behaviors involved the police, and along with there safety. WELL,,,,it ended up at that point to where law enforcement was called, and one of them had to leave for the night.. my dad called and asked for me to stay w/mom, and he stayed in a motel.. WELL YES.. OF CORSE... so i did.. i have many certificates and training about these disease,, but by god, its SO MUCH DIFFRENT WHEN ITS FAMILY.. ..its like groundhog day,, ... .... AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.... my mom doesnt trust her dr anymore, and wont go there, but i am glad that they both trust in me for help and my knowlege about alz/dm.. ,, BUT, I SEE , AND HAVE NOTICE , AND AM AWARE OF THE THINGS THEY BOTH HAVE AGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS ONGOING ABOUT,... and i am thinking they both are in early stages, w/denial.... PLEASE, any, any advice , knowledge would GREATLY BE APRECIATED!!!!!!!!!!!

jehjeh · June 7

I wish I had answers but your situation is beyond my experience. There is a 24/7 phone number on this site that you can call to speak with someone from the Alzheimer’s Association. That might be a good first step. I’m praying you find the help you need for your parents.

SDianeL · June 8

So sorry. Yes it’s hard with family. Many have used fibs to get them diagnosed. Tell your Mom that her insurance requires her visit the doctor. Call the doctors office and fill them in on the behaviors ahead of time. Go with her. While there, see if they have HIPPA papers they can have her sign so you can at least get that done. Then do the same for your Dad. If you haven’t already done so, read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis.

H1235 · June 8

Welcome. Explaining why things need to be done will probably just cause problems. It’s best to work around that. As sDianeL suggested come up with some other reason they need to go to the doctor. Is there a patient portal? I found this worked well. I could send the doctor information about what I was seeing without upsetting mom in front of the doctor. My mom is older and never set it up so I just did it. I would take the same approach with legal paperwork and hipaa forms. Take it casually. You’re getting older it’s probably a good idea to have these things done just in case. No need to point out the urgent need for them now, that will just upset them. Most people with dementia have anosognosia. This is not denial, but an in ability to recognize their own symptoms or limitations. It is the worst. If the police are involved you could explain the situation and ask that they be taken to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. They would need to be considered a harm to themselves or others. Hopefully they would recommend some kind of care home and help you find one with an opening. When a person with dementia has their symptoms, limitations pointed out to them they can become very upset. I would guess they are doing this with each other. They can see their spouses symptoms, but not their own. Good luck

Renai Smith · June 11

thank you all for your advice, i really, really apreciate i..

agression, no diagnosis

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