Managing care

I struggle with this as well. Mom is diabetic but aside from Diet Coke has never really followed a diabetic diet. She complains that the food they ( she is in Al) give her is not good for diabetes. But when I told her I could request a diabetic diet for her she said NO. She is reminded to wear her compression socks, but refuses. She has been told to elevate her feet, but doesn’t. She doesn’t think she needs medication for hip pain (she has forgotten about it). I’m told she needs cataract surgery. Pcp and eye doctor said she will be fine. I’m worried. It is so hard to know what to do. Since she has never followed a diabetic diet in the past and it’s being controlled with insulin, I try not to worry about it. Her doctor calls and fills me in after her appointments. If I attend she gets angry. My sibling leaves everything to me! I can’t be there everyday to make sure she wears her compression socks and even if I could she wouldn’t listen to me. She is going the have the cataract surgery and I hope things go well. I’m sure others might handle things differently, but I’m doing what I think is best. That’s all I can do. This stuff is so hard. You are not alone.

I've been through what you are feeling right now. After two trips to the ER and no firm diagnosis for her condition other than potential dehydration, my mother's PCP and I decided on palliative care. Mom was having trouble swallowing calcium and multi-vitamin tablets, so we took them off her list of medications along with a few other pills that were meant for prolonging life. We kept the BP medications because her comfort still depends on managing her blood pressure and her anxiety. Only lately, have I given up on brushing her teeth and showering. She keeps losing her toothbrushes and stashing her toothpaste in drawers and closets where she can't find them. The staff has begun assisting her with a weekly shower and change of clothes. She resists them, but they are still able to coax her at this point. I bought her compression socks, but she doesn't wear them. I looked for them the other day and couldn't even find them. I think she probably tossed them in the trash. Mom gets skin tears easily, but the staff has been able to manage with general first aid. Otherwise, she just seems to be meandering through the days without too much interference. Lately, I've noticed she doesn't replace the toilet paper on the holder when the roll runs out. She has plenty of TP in her bathroom, but she doesn't seem to recognize what it's for unless I put the roll on the holder myself. I wish the staff would check and make sure she has TP by the toilet, but they don't. It's really hard to just let these things go. I loathe this disease with every fiber of my being.

Also, about your family situation… It probably took a year for me to set the standards of communication with my sister who lives 800 miles away. As it is now, I tell her the big things like the ER visits and what happened as a follow up. She sends me articles and suggestions. I always thank her and say I will look into it. Sometimes I actually do look into it, but often she doesn't fully understand what's happening. Otherwise, when she asks about Mom, I tell her I am keeping a journal of visits and medical data which is true. If something major occurs, I will fill her in. She seems satisfied with that now. It took time, but she finally realized she had to trust I was handling things as best as I could in her absence.