Help with bringing in help

When my DH was at the point where I couldn't leave him alone AND I needed time away, I called my local "Family Means". The organization was a life-saver! They provided a volunteer to come for 2 hours once a week. The first two weeks, the 3 of us walked around our neighborhood together and had ice cream cones here. DH was fine with it (food always worked!). The third week, I was home but kept myself busy away from them. They walked around the neighborhood together. Fine. The fourth week, DH and the volunteer walked together—and I was away from the house. (I was two minutes away). From then on, the two became friends! Worked like a charm. Good luck!

My DW is generally good with people but I still took a cautious approach.

I hired the companion myself rather than using agency. Consistency of having the same person was very important to me and I believe I had a much better chance a finding a consistent companion if I hired them myself rather than going through an agency.

The first time we met the companion was for an interview at a public space. DW loves ice cream so we met companion for ice cream. I sort of played it as happenstance that we met this new "friend". Again, DW has always been good meeting new people.

For the first couple of visits I stayed at home with companion. Companion was generally quiet and a bit out of the way just watching and hanging out with us.

I started leaving for short periods of time. Fortunately DW gets along well with companion and it has worked out.

For me, it was important to take a gradual approach. I did not want to leave DW with some random stranger who just shows up.

Hi Pier Walker-

I’d been trying for a couple of years to get my wife comfortable with the idea of getting “help” in the house- and used the same excuse as Cindy Bum, that I could use the help with cooking etc. But she was very resistant to the idea. Then I got “lucky” and had a series of vertigo attacks and dizziness recently and became unable to drive. (Luckily I was prepared with just who to call to get someone in.) I became adamant at that point and insisted that there was no other way forward other than to have help! My wife had no choice but to go along with having our caregiver here, and she has been helping both of us. I wish I’d been more insistent before. I believe there is no real “fib” involved in any of us using the fact that we ourselves could use shopping and cooking help (or whatever it is) and insist on having the help for US. IT REALLY IS A FACT, WE NEED HELP! My wife has gotten used to the idea of having someone around and most of the time she barely notices that the caregiver is now mainly focused on her. In fact, she gets out and about more now with the caregiver than with me these days.
Good Luck, let us know!!

Karen

A friend of mine was in the same boat. His wife hated the idea of needing a caregiver and wanted nothing to do with her for months. Finally, she has accepted her as a friend.