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Stage 6 - How Much Medical Care is Appropriate?

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Denise1847
Denise1847 Member Posts: 892
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My DH is in stage 6 in memory care. He has afib and CHF which is managed with meds. He has a cardiologist appointment the end of July for a check-up. It has become extremely challenging trying to take him for appointments because he is so confused. I am questioning why I should even take him. He is a DNR and I have already told the doctor no pacemaker or defibrilator as we had discussed and signed Advanced Directives about this some time ago.

Is anyone else facing this problem. It would seem to me to address those things which will support his quality of life as opposed to extending his enduring this horrible disease. Any thoughts?

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  • Quilting brings calm
    Quilting brings calm Member Posts: 2,841
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    Is the cardiologist prescribing the meds for the Afib and CHF? If so, you will need to either continue the visits or discontinue the meds. Which is probably not happening. Can you call the office and see if they do video appointments? At least then you can just do the visit on a computer that has a camera and a microphone.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 1,735
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    I cancelled all specialist appointments for my DH . The facility had a physician on staff that prescribed all his meds. We did not stop the meds until he was on hospice protocols.

  • Denise1847
    Denise1847 Member Posts: 892
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    The memory care doctor continues to prescribe the cardiac meds for afib and CHF. The video appointment is a great idea. Thank you.

  • Denise1847
    Denise1847 Member Posts: 892
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    Thank you. The memory care doctor continues the meds and oversees his care. He is still mobile but terribly confused. No one has deemed him "hospice". It just seems so cruel to drag him to doctors and doing anything to extend this suffering. I just want to be sure I am not somehow playing God.

  • midge333
    midge333 Member Posts: 530
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    @Denise1847 : I think you are asking all the right questions and coming up with very solid answers. IMO, doing anything that prolongs stages 6 & 7 seems cruel…

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 5,317
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    @Denise1847

    Color me confused.

    I'm pretty sure the decision around hospice care is made by the patient or their legal representative and the hospice agency. You don't need a doctor to support your decision. Some folks here have been turn down by one hospice provider and accepted by another on the same day.

    That said, treatment of the qualifying condition(s) is generally stopped with comfort care being the priority so O2 and even antibiotics can be prescribed if they treat pain or distress.

    HB

  • Denise1847
    Denise1847 Member Posts: 892
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    Dear Miles2Go,

    I applaud your advocating for your DH. My son and I discussed my DH's current state. He has long ago left us and if he were of sound mind watching this unfold, he would not want to live like he is. I think these specialists just look at their special part of the person and forget the humanity and whole picture.

  • midge333
    midge333 Member Posts: 530
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    @Denise1847 : You did a great job advocating for your DH.

  • Palmetto Peg
    Palmetto Peg Member Posts: 266
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    We have to advocate for our loved ones, and you did a great job for your DH! I have a DNR, DNI, and Do Not Hospitalize order for my DH. There is no way I will prolong this suffering for him. I am at peace with these decisions, knowing that is what he wants. It is hard because some doctors really guilt trip you. I let myself be talked into allowing a feeding tube for my mother after she suffered several strokes and could no longer swallow. All it did was prolong her misery and make her uncomfortable. Stay strong!

  • midge333
    midge333 Member Posts: 530
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    We all need to remember that the default of the medical system it to intervene or provide treatment. When we deem it no longer in the best interest of our loved ones, we need to say NO.

  • housefinch
    housefinch Member Posts: 479
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    I totally agree. Great job.

  • M5M
    M5M Member Posts: 158
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    Peg, what is a DNI? intubate? I didn't see it on the Abbreviations list, and it is not used in my area.

  • weareallunique
    weareallunique Member Posts: 54
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    edited June 29

    And it is important to act very calm , rational and lovingly concerned. The Doctors need to document why they aren't following standard care to cya and it cuts their follow-up income. Too emotional and then they 'll get others involved . Probate court is worse and more costly than dementia.

    This- and the best way to do that is to avoid places that provide care you no longer will pursue. So if you are just checking what condition the condition was in ….

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more