Father

michelle1069 · June 26

So I’m kinda in the middle. I’m trying to stay positive and help my mom as she cares for my father yet the same time it’s like I’m mourning the loss of my dad, or the man who I knew as my dad. He’s in the stage now, where he’s talking about the past so much that he believes were in the past. He’s digging through stuff all over the house and I don’t know how to help my mom. I keep telling her at least he’s not losing stuff over the stuff he’s lost he’s finding now. But he gets so mad at her and it breaks her heart. I’m just trying to figure out how I can help her, help him at the same time I help myself.

SDianeL · June 26

welcome. Sorry about your Dad. L ran all you can about the disease. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Have your Mom read it too. Search online for dementia caregiving videos. Ask your Dad’s Neurologist for medications to calm your Dad. Also ask for a referral to a Geriatric Psychiatrist who is best to manage medications for anxiety and agitation. It’s not your Dad that is getting angry at your Mom. It’s the disease. Tell her not to argue. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. You may want to get legal papers like DPOA & HIPPA documents. I recommend you also start looking for memory care facilities because your Dad will require 24/7 care and sadly that could come sooner than later. Come here often for info and support. We understand what your Mom is going through.

H1235 · June 27

Welcome! Sorry you have to be here. All of the above is excellent advice. People with dementia often have anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their own symptoms or limitations. Bringing up these symptoms or limitations is a sure way to cause anger. It’s best to find work arounds or even use fibs to make their life less stressful. You might just ask your mom what she needs. It may be a break so she can get away or help with home repairs your dad can’t manage any longer and it might change depending on the day. As far as legal documents, remember your dad can’t act for your mom any longer, so it is probably a good idea she appoint you or a sibling. I have attached a few educational materials that may be helpful.

This is a great staging tool. It will help with where he is at and what is to come.

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/6372d16ea4e02c7ce64425b7/t/63f7b80d80d8aa3e3aa4a47d/1677178894184/DBAT.pdf

This is an article that describes the dementia experience. It’s very good.

https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/1/understanding-the-dementia-experience#hlangandcommun

Father

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