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ReineckeB · June 23

Hello! This is the first time I have reached out about taking care of my Mom. She is diagnosed with Alzheimer's and probably has been dealing with it for about 2 or 3 years. She moved in with me back in January. She decided she just couldnt do it alone anymore. It has been a huge change for all of us. I have 2 adult children still living with me. I am so glad to have them honestly! They help a lot with her care by just being in the house when I am not able to be. I am overwhelmed by her care as far as the memory side. I know that games and conversations are helpful and we have just been given a referral to a Cognitive Therapist. I am hoping that will help as well. I am honestly not sure what I am looking for here except maybe just knowing I am not alone. I will be reading through the posts and sharing what little experience I have so far. I am glad to find a place to talk. I would love to connect with people too.

SusanB-dil · June 23

Hi ReineckeB - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason. You are not alone. This is a place for support and commiseration for sure.

Perhaps you could look into adult daycare for a day or three a week? (we call it the senior center). It could help her, and you as well for some respite.

ReineckeB · June 23

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/246446#Comment_246446

Thank you! I have been looking into options. I spoke to her Neurologist today to find some options. I have found a Senior Center near us and reached out to the director for more info. Hopefully that will be a good place. I just hate that I am basically watching her decline. She is already no where near the rock she used to be. I am so selfish and wish she was back. I know she wishes she was too. She is sad to feel like a different person. This is excruciating!

ARIL · June 24

Don’t worry: it is not selfish to want your old mom back. It’s human, and a feeling that is entirely familiar to people on this forum. You will find lots of support here. And I am glad your adult children are so helpful!

TLN2025 · June 24

ReineckB- I too have found this site and the discussions helpful to know we are not alone and this is a horrible disease. My mom also moved in w/my husband and I a little over a year ago and it's been so hard to watch her decline. She was the rock of our house growing up - running her household, having a career, taking care of kids - she was a superstar. Now, to know that she can't remember if she ate lunch or not, or do a load of laundry is heartbreaking. My husband/my lives are VERY different now - but I am so grateful to still have her with us and we are learning how to 'live in her world' - it really is a learning process each day. I've found this website, along w/books (At Peace by Samuel Harrington and Floating In the Deep End by Patti Davis) were eye opening and found myself saying "OMG - that's mom". I was able to take nuggets from each of the books and have started learning how to live in her world. Today we are going to be trying a Senior center (aka daycare) for my mom. I am hoping 2 half days a week will allow her to get out, spend some times w/others her age and stimulate her mind. She was previously not a hugely social person but we spun this idea by telling her a senior center needs volunteers to help with their activities. Because she was always 'doing' things for others this seems like an easier segway into having her try it out. I am really hoping this will be a good fit for her. I wish you well with finding options for your mom as well.

SusanB-dil · June 26

It is not selfish at all to want mom back! This is heartbreaking.

MIL had already made DH as her POA, with me as back-up, prior to diagnosis. Her lawyer asked if she was sure. She grinned as she told me she said I was like the daughter she never had. Now… she has no idea who I am. She has screamed at me several times and even kicked at me once when I was helping her get up. I am so glad I knew her before 'this'. It is awful/horrible/disheartening/ and a few other not-nice descriptions!!!!

Mother was a nurse. MIL was a teacher. 'this' is just not right. it isn't them.

All of us on here absolutely HATE 'this'. !!! and your mom is blessed you are watching out for her.

ReineckeB · June 30

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/246519#Comment_246519

I will check out those books, thank you! Yes, living in her world is what I am finding will be the most helpful. My world will be smaller until she passes and that is ok. She really was the rock of my family! She is mourning the loss of her independence and dealing with her and that is so difficult when her brain is so muddled. Thank you for sharing with me. It seems that we are truly in a similar place.

RebekkaK · July 3

Hi! I'm new here as well. My mom has dementia that has progressively gotten worse over the last six years. My husband and I moved in next door to her to help my dad with her care. My dad is with her just about 24/7. I do all the meals and try to be there as often as I can, but it is exhausting and I'm constantly feeling as if I'm not doing enough. I have a brother and sister who also live in town, but do next to nothing to help. I have another sister who loves about five hours away and I feel so bad because I feel like I'm constantly venting to her about things that happen. She recently suggested that I find a support group, so here I am looking to talk with others in similar situations.

ReineckeB · July 3

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247250#Comment_247250

It is so exhausting for sure! And I live with her and feel like I am not doing enough! It is weird to think that not long ago she was my rock and now I am having to help her do easy stuff. AND it will only get worse as we go. I have 2 brothers who are trying to help from a distance but honestly I think they are relieved that she is with me. I found this support group for the same reason. To vent and also commiserate. I am here for you if you need!

louleg1 · July 4

You are not alone. My Dad passed in April and I have been caring for my mom. I have an adult child at home who helps a lot along with my wife. I'm torn at times because I think I should put her in a home but know they won't love her like I do. Make coffee, give her plenty to eat just to hear "this shit is not mine" or "I don't want this shit". She often mistakes me for my Dad and that is very hard and uncomfortable. I bought name tags to help. You are not alone and caregiving is not easy. Good luck friend.

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