Home to his parents in the evening

annie51 · July 4

For about a week, DH has been adamant about going hime to his parents or calling his father, etc. Usually it starts around 4:00 so I’m assuming he’s starting to sundown. It’s so hard coming up with fiblets that will satisfy him. I’ve tried so many of the ideas I’ve seen on this forum. Sometimes we drive around, going whatever direction he says to go, but eventually I have to turn back towards home and he gets angry, cussing, telling me to turn around or he’s getting out of the car. Eventually we get home and he calms down.
My questions are these:

Is this agitation or is it anxiety? He gets aggressive and angry (although I never feel physically threatened), but maybe it’s just anxiety about wanting that feeling of home?

What type of medication, if any, might help this? Or should I just bear it and hope he calms down.
Any advice welcome.

Rick4407 · July 4

I used seroquel in the early afternoon. Crushed in chocolate pudding or applesauce. Another "treat" at about 8 made for a restful night for both of us. Rick

SDianeL · July 4

it could be caused by anxiety or it could be delusions caused by regression to another time. Medication will help. Talk to his doctor. What medication works for one won’t work for everyone. They may have to try different ones or combos. I would try to get a referral to a Geriatric Psychiatrist who is best to prescribe anti psychotic meds. Meanwhile his PCP or Neurologist could try something. Be sure to be specific about his behavior. I would no longer take him in the car. I think it’s too dangerous for both of you. Keep trying to redirect, distract or offer a treat. If it’s anxiety the tips are to fib that they are out of town and then ask him about his parents. Something like “tell me about your Mom” Also look up online for tips to manage sundowning. Closing blinds early, turning on lights, etc.

cdgbdr · July 4

My husband is similar but we haven't had to drive around yet. He's got poor activity tolerance so once we walk outside, he recognizes his house and goes back in. Once he can't recognize the house that won't work. I have Buspar for times he gets agitated. I gave him one this week for that behavior. He is also on Trazodone at bedtime. Please do contact his doc for something. I am very fortunate that DH 's geriatric NP sees him regularly and will order meds if needed when I call.

Jazzma · July 4

I was able to help my DH during sundowning by taking him to a store (big is better) to go 'shopping.' He would push the cart, which helped his balance and gave him a sense of purpose. He got some exercise as we would go around and around looking for things I 'couldn't find' and wind up buying some assorted stuff. Maybe you could suggest to your DH that you need to pick up a few things for his parents? Then realize that it's 'too late' to take them now? For me, coming back home and giving him a big bowl of salad to eat with his hands would tide him over until the sundowning eased.

Medications helped too. He took Seroquel in the morning, afternoon and evening and Trazadone at night.

Big hugs to you as you travel this road.

Mitsu2 · July 11

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247304#Comment_247304

Thanks for your comment about big box stores. That worked better than anything else I've tried when my DH is sundowning and demanding to go home. He believes that our actual home is his workplace, and we need to leave to go home from work. My big challenge now is that he won't go anywhere unless our two large dogs come with, so no stores for us anymore. Now we mostly drive around with the dogs in the back seat until he gets tired enough to sleep. On days when his balance is okay, we walk the dogs in a quiet area, which really helps him calm down.

sandwichone123 · July 11

You could go to a big hardware store. Most of them allow dogs.

CindyBum · July 11

My DW takes Gabapentin for anxiety and upping her dose significantly helped her sundowning. I added a dose late afternoon around 2pm to good effect.

tboard · July 11

I have had similar experiences with my DH throughout the day. If got worse and worse and he does get violent and would actually hit me if he could catch me. I asked his doctor if he could increase the dosage of an antidepressant DH was taking in a low dose. It does seem to be helping somewhat. I also have another drug I can give him for extreme agitation that seems to just put him to sleep. Talk to his doctor.

Home to his parents in the evening

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