Holidays are the worst

tboard · July 1

As a caregiver for my DH who has mixed dementia and is in a mid to late stage of the disease I dread holidays. On July 4th people will be going places and doing things. I will be home but not quite home alone. DH does sleep much and is in a constant state of rage to the point where it is best if I don't talk to him at all. We really can't go anywhere because he gets so upset about not being able to drive. We may get a visitor over the weekend but in general people avoid us and I don't blame them at all.

Instead of feeling bad about it, I started thinking about all of the things I don't have to worry about over the 4th:

Traffic
Crowded airports
Flight delays
The price of gasoline
the car breaking down
Getting a flat tire on my bike
Drinking too much
Tick bites
Sunburn
Drowning
Getting lost
Twisting my ankle on a hike.
Getting poor service at a restaurant.
Being injured by fireworks.
Packing a suitcase.
losing my luggage

There is so much more.

Hope you all have a great July 4th!

trottingalong · July 1

Always good to put a positive spin on something. I’m actually happy about staying home over the 4th now. My poor dogs are happy we are home also.

tucson anne · July 2

Love your list. I eyed the illegal fireworks sitting in my garage (old bottle rockets and ground spinners) which were waiting to go to hazardous waste disposal and decided it's not worth setting the desert on fire. I have lots of good 4th memories, so I'll just watch PBS 4th and raise a glass to the memories.

tboard · July 2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247197#Comment_247197

Fireworks are not legal here, but that doesn't seem to matter. July 4th is hellish. I am exploring my options. Maybe I'll watch a movie or read a book. I might even get up early and bake a cake or some cupcakes to share with my wonderful and amazing neighbors.

Jgirl57 · July 3

Love the list!! Makes me feel better because we too will be at home watching the happenings on TV. Hot dogs and potato salad will be our simple menu.

Richard67 · July 5

Yes, the 4th is drawing to a close but DW and I haven't left the house. She spent the day wandering the house or resting in bed. She won't even watch her favorite baseball team any more. Isn't interested in watching anything, listening to music or podcast. Just wandering from room to room, or lying in bed, not sleeping, thinking about what or anything I don't know. No exercise, no walk around the block, no drive to get ice cream. Our daughters are busy today. Her sister has her own problems. So I'm sitting here, writing this. But someone else is reading this, so I'm not alone.

tboard · July 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247326#Comment_247326

No, you are not alone. My DH slept in on the 4th, so I got to go for a walk. He didn't rest or nap for the rest of the day. There was an extreme heat advisory, and he sat outside starting mid-afternoon. He wouldn't come in because he "won't be told what to do". I sat in the nice, cool house and watched a movie. I brought him glasses of ice water every hour or so. He finally came in, sat at the table, and demanded his dinner. It was a challenge getting him to bed last night. He tried to sneak out the back door, but I caught him when the door alarm went off. He finally went to bed fully clothed, including glasses and a hat.

Today is a new day. I am not sure I can stand it if it is as good as yesterday was. :)

No you are not alone. :)

cdgbdr · July 5

We were to go to a friend's house at 6. It's an hour drive. First he agreed to shower, then wouldn't. Then I couldn't get him to understand how he had to take off the pants he was wearing to put on what he wanted to wear. I said we won't go. He agreed. We both were upset. Later, he apologized. We might have been able to do it midday but not evening. I got to mow the lawn which was badly needed. I wonder what today will bring.

tboard · July 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247355#Comment_247355

My DH has a great deal of trouble getting dressed. He doesn't understand the steps involved. (little executive function left) He can not take a shower without assistance, and he doesn't want assistance. Showers happen after poop happens to happen all over. I find that the sweet spot for going anywhere is between 11:00 AM and 1:00 PM. We never know what the day will bring. Good luck!

cdgbdr · July 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247365#Comment_247365

I can't even get the shower after poop going. His sister invited us somewhere at 6 today and I can't commit. So far, so good today.

tboard · July 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247372#Comment_247372

I shower him, and he gets very angry with me. Sometimes he is angry about it for a day or two. It would be so nice if there were some kind of washing station, like a car wash, for people. We could run our smelly people, and they would come out all cleaned up, so we could get on with our days. Dementia is a smelly disease.

cdgbdr · July 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247375#Comment_247375

Apparently the adult day care here in my little town does bathing. I doubt that I could get him there. He always tells me that he does it but nobody sees him.

tboard · July 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247377#Comment_247377

Many of the adult day care programs in my area shut down during the pandemic. The programs that are left don't offer the service. One provider told me that if he smells they may contact county social services. Adult day care doesn't work well for us because of several issues.

Holidays are the worst

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